Covid tests, a camper van and bed before 10pm – my weekend at Latitude

Despite being thrilled at the prospect of performing on a big stage again, I have to say the idea of the weekend freaked me out slightly, writes Jenny Eclair

Nice to see you again: Latitude Festival returned to Henham Park, Suffolk, over the weekend (PA)

I’ve just returned from performing a live podcast show at Latitude Festival, so obviously I am writing this in the bath, gazing adoringly at my indoor flushing lavatory. Bliss.

I am not a natural camper, so it’s a good job my stage partner and “Older and Wider” podcast co-host Judith Holder managed to book a camper van. That said, due to height and age factors (I’m younger and shorter), I drew the sleeping quarters short straw, which meant spending the night on a shelf with the roof of the van a couple of inches from my nostrils. Yes, just one night. That was quite sufficient because, to be honest, I was in two minds about going in the first place.

Our podcast “Older and Wider” was originally offered a slot at the festival in the halcyon pre-Covid days of early 2020 – and even back then, I was reluctant. I’m fussy about performing in tents. The acoustics are tricky and people wander in and out. Basically, when I’m gigging, I like a black box, bums on seats and no distractions, thank you.

However, my podcast co-host Judith was keen, and considering we don’t get paid to pod, it seemed mean to deprive her of the jolly, especially since they were offering a fee. So I agreed on the proviso that she did all the practical stuff and I just rocked up for the gig.

To be honest, Judith plays the girl guide in our double act, so it was a natural division of tasks. Being the kind of woman who knows her way around Millets, Judith possesses stuff like sleeping bags, torches and collapsible buckets. She likes fresh air and camping while I like access to hot water and room service. Ideally, if there was a boutique hotel on site, I’d be happier.

Obviously, last year I wriggled out of the festival due to Covid. This year I presumed the event would be cancelled again, but thanks to the governments “suck it and see” attitude, and despite the staggering number of daily infections, the festival went ahead and 40,000 people descended on Henham Park in Suffolk over the weekend.

To give Latitude its due, they took every step they humanly could to make the festival as Covid safe as possible. For starters, many events could be enjoyed entirely outdoors. Performance tents were open to the elements from every side, ensuring optimum ventilation, while the more enclosed spaces were apparently equipped with those state-of-the-art ultra-violet air purifiers.

Every attendee also had to have proof of jab status and, even more importantly, proof of being Covid free on entry. This involved downloading a carefully timed lateral flow test result to the NHS app and then delivering a screenshot of the NHS test verification, plus a photograph of a negative lateral flow test stick held next to your face, taken through a Latitude portal. Honestly, whatever happened to just hurling yourself over the fence?

As we all know, not everyone believes in vaccinations. In fact, last week while walking through the West End, I was forced to shout “w**kers” many times at a load of anti vaxxers who had chosen to curb crawl down Regent Street, broadcasting their nonsensical views from a megaphone strapped to the roof of their car. Idiots.

Most of us have realised in recent weeks that vaccines are vital in lowering hospital admissions and deaths, but even those of us who are double jabbed can catch this virus and be quite poorly. I think most of us know someone who has caught Covid, despite their vaccine status.

So, despite being thrilled at the prospect of performing on a big stage again, I have to say the prospect of the weekend freaked me out slightly. We all watched the football crowds in horror. Just because a festival tends to attract more families and folk in sequins and glitter face paint, does that make it less of a potentially risky gathering? Only time will really tell. For myself it was a matter of making personal decisions about what made me feel comfortable while I was on site.

Maybe that’s why, after the gig, instead of joining the crowds to watch Damon Albarn, I found myself bailing out of the action. I came off stage at 7.30pm, had a couple of (very large) glasses of wine and a spot of dinner and the next thing I knew, I was back in the camper van, it was 9.30pm and I was listening to my audio book. Who said rock’n’roll was dead?

Twenty-four hours after getting home and having spent a night sleeping separately from my partner, I’ve just taken my first post-Latitude lateral flow test and the result is… negative. Obviously, I’ll keep testing for the rest of the week just to be on the safe side. These days, lateral flow testing is such a regular occurrence, I barely gag any more – silver linings and all that.