Dads like me aren’t pulling our weight with back to school duties

With a new term about to begin, Will Gore asks whether mums have been burdened for too long – and what dads should be doing to help

In our house – and no doubt in many others – it’s the children’s mother who bears the brunt of the pre-term hassle (Getty)

Listen carefully. What’s that low whooshing sound you can hear?

No, it’s not Angela Rayner getting her breath back after clubbing in Ibiza. Nor is it storm Hercule (or whatever the next one’s going to be called) blowing in from the Atlantic.

In fact, it’s the collective sigh of relief from the parents of Britain’s school-aged children as the summer holidays – and the attendant plate-spinning – finally come to an end.

A few of the kids are probably lending their lungs to the happy exhalation too – though none will admit to it. It’s not cool to confess that you want to go back to school, but six and a half weeks is a long time even for the most committed YouTube watcher, and there’s nothing like a bit of algebra and British Bulldog to blow the cobwebs away.

Amidst the feelings of relief, however, there may be the odd panicky flutter, when it becomes clear that child A no longer fits their shoes and child B needs a full restocking of their pencil case. Did they mention these things when there were more than two days till the start of term? They did not.

Back to school prep is big business. From rucksacks and clothing to stationery and sports kits, there are vast sums at stake, and usually little time in which to get things sorted. But what would I know?

In our house – and no doubt in many others – it’s the children’s mother who bears the brunt of the pre-term hassle. This year I’ve felt able to justify it on the basis that my wife is between jobs and so has had the time to oversee shoe-fittings, new rulers and sticking name badges in every item of uniform. But I can’t deny that in previous years too, when we’ve both been working, she has borne the bulk of the back to school burden.

The extent of my involvement has usually been to take my son to the barber, which is pretty measly. If the rest of it was left to me, the children would almost certainly return to the classroom in ill-fitting trousers, and would discover at lunchtime that Dad had forgotten to top up their meal accounts.

It’s a shoddy state of affairs, I know, and one that goes some way to highlighting the ongoing inequality between the sexes when it comes to caregiving and housework. Research last year suggested that nearly two-thirds of women in mixed-sex households did more than their fair share. And I’d bet good money that when it comes to sorting out the kids’ school needs, the proportion would be higher still.

It’s evident in school WhatsApp groups, too. Those benighted forums for class-related info and gossip may contain mums and dads in broadly equal measure at the start of the year, but it’s not long before the membership starts to diminish, as men quietly withdraw themselves from the chat. Half the mums I know would like to quit too, but none of them actually does.

Last year, I was impressed that a dad called Gerry had become a particularly committed and influential member of the WhatsApp group for my son’s class. It wasn’t until around Easter that my wife explained that “he” was actually a mum called Geraldine.

The existence of forums like Mumsnet probably just reinforces the tendency towards mums taking responsibility. For every thread about dads not playing their part, there are three or four offering mums advice on preparing for the term ahead.

I realise, however, that it’s a vicious cycle. Women sort the kids out – therefore, they seek and offer advice about it. Men largely don’t, and so when they speak to their mates they talk about football. Maybe even about how their kids are getting on at football – the one time dads take charge of the children’s activities. But probably not about where to buy a decent pencil sharpener.

On the one occasion I did take responsibility for our offspring’s schooling, I nearly ruined my daughter’s chances of completing the 11-plus exam when I failed to get a form signed by her teacher, as had been required. I was only saved by an alternative teacher friend of mine, who was able to step in and do the honours at the last minute.

Still, that’s no excuse not to try to do better. Next pre-term, I’m aiming for an A* – with grades to be awarded by my wife.