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As it happenedended

Freed: Christian Grey is as possessive and awful as ever in new Fifty Shades book

Final book in the Christian Grey trilogy has been released

Roisin O'Connor
Tuesday 01 June 2021 14:20 BST
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Fifty Shades Darker - Trailer

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It’s a big day for the book industry: EL James has released the third part of her Fifty Shades story, as told by moody billionaire Christian Grey.

The first book in the franchise, Fifty Shades of Grey, was released in 2011 and became a publishing phenomenon.

It set a record for the fastest-selling paperback of all time in the UK, and was followed by two sequels – Fifty Shades Darkerand Fifty Shades Freed – written from the perspective of its protagonist, Anastasia Steele.

A film series followed, starring Irish actor Jamie Dornan as Christian, and Dakota Johnson as Anastasia.

James’s “mommy porn” writing has been described over the years in far-from flattering terms, but we thought we’d try and see whether there was anything redeemable about the final book in one of the most notorious franchises in literary history.

The liveblog is now closed

OK, we’ve landed on another sex scene, this time in Christian’s playroom. Soundtracked by Nina Simone’s “Sinnerman”. Sorry, Nina.

I honestly don’t think I’ve ever read anything less sexy than EL James writing about sex.

Also, you could ask me again what the plot of this book is and I’d still have no idea.

Roisin O'Connor1 June 2021 13:21

The first Fifty Shades book got a lot of people up in arms for how it depicted the BDSM community, but really, I’m not sure how you could read this now and think it was an accurate depiction of BDSM. Most of it is Christian doing things in slow-motion. Like, it must take him a full hour to unbuckle his belt, the amount of time he spends thinking about it, then starting to do it, then doing it, then dropping the belt on the floor...

OK, I take it back. There is a really grim blowjob scene that makes me miss the belt-unbuckling ceremony. This is the second time Christian has spoken about Ana “sheathing her teeth”. Does he think that women have the ability to withdraw their fangs? Has he met an actual human woman before? Because all of his physical descriptions of Ana suggest otherwise.

Roisin O'Connor1 June 2021 13:28

Asides from the uncomfortable description of Ana giving Christian a blowjob, this sex scene is incredibly dull. Again, it’s a lot of decidedly un-sexy talking. EL James does not do good dialogue. So far this book has no redeeming qualities.

Roisin O'Connor1 June 2021 13:35

An email from Christian to Ana, eat your heart out, Keats.

“My darling Anastasia. I love soaring with you. I love playing with you. I love doing you. I love you. Always.” Awwwwwww.

Roisin O'Connor1 June 2021 13:37

What I really want to know is how Christian makes any money when he seems to spend the entire working day emailing his fiancee.

Roisin O'Connor1 June 2021 13:41

I need to report a crime: the word “moist” has just been used by Ana to describe her current state. Not “wet”. MOIST.

Roisin O'Connor1 June 2021 13:42

I’m racing through this now and we’re at Christian’s bachelor party. Which involves him ziplining with his brother, Elliot. Later he crashes as Ana is getting ready to go out for her hen do, approves her outfit choice (”not too short”), then comes up with this gem:

“I narrow my eyes, feeling at once ridiculously proud that she’s mine, but also territorial – she’s mine?”

Roisin O'Connor1 June 2021 13:48

A new one is Christian being controlling over his sister’s personal life, too. It’s a sort-of-amusing contrast to EL James’s earlier attempt to add some #feminism into the mix, when Christian observes that, if pole dancers were men, it would be an Olympic sport! Someone give that man a cookie.

Roisin O'Connor1 June 2021 13:51

Just FYI I have given up doing this blog chapter-by-chapter because

a) This book is intolerable and

b) There are many chapters where Nothing Happens.

Roisin O'Connor1 June 2021 13:54

This book is so long. It is so bad. I miss the time before the moment I started reading this book.

Roisin O'Connor1 June 2021 14:00

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