Freed: Christian Grey is as possessive and awful as ever in new Fifty Shades book
Final book in the Christian Grey trilogy has been released
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It’s a big day for the book industry: EL James has released the third part of her Fifty Shades story, as told by moody billionaire Christian Grey.
The first book in the franchise, Fifty Shades of Grey, was released in 2011 and became a publishing phenomenon.
It set a record for the fastest-selling paperback of all time in the UK, and was followed by two sequels – Fifty Shades Darkerand Fifty Shades Freed – written from the perspective of its protagonist, Anastasia Steele.
A film series followed, starring Irish actor Jamie Dornan as Christian, and Dakota Johnson as Anastasia.
James’s “mommy porn” writing has been described over the years in far-from flattering terms, but we thought we’d try and see whether there was anything redeemable about the final book in one of the most notorious franchises in literary history.
The liveblog is now closed
Hello, and welcome to our liveblog of the new EL James book, Freed.
I’ve drawn the short straw today so I’ll be sharing updates as I make my way through the latest instalment of this literary phenomenon.
So far I’m about 10 pages in and have snort-laughed approximately seven times.
For the uninitiated who might be following this liveblog today: the Fifty Shades franchise (first book, Fifty Shades of Grey released in 2011), follows the relationship between shy student Anastasia Steele and broody billionaire Christian Grey. Christian has many dark secrets, and introduces Ana to a kinky world she previously knew nothing about.
While the series was a global hit, breaking various industry records, critical reactions have been less enthusiastic. Who can forget Salman Rushdie saying it made Twilight look like War and Peace? Meanwhile a review in the New York Times called it “dull and poorly written”. Ouch. Let’s see if I can outdo them.
Just to keep things organised, I’m going to do a chapter-by-chapter blog, so bear with me while I plough into this thing.
The book opens ahead of Christian’s marriage to Ana. Christian is very nervous because he’s worried he won’t be able to be a good husband. I’m not sure what gave him that idea, but perhaps it was the stalking, possessiveness, jealousy, coercion, bullying and manipulation of his now-fiancee. Anyway, let’s get going...
Wow. Shockingly, I haven’t read anything by EL James for some time (out of curiosity I forced myself through the first Fifty Shades book, winced my way through the second then failed to finish the third), so I’d forgotten what a unique writer she is.
So far there’s been:
– A lot of shrieking from Christian’s sister, Mia.
Seriously, she shrieks at everything. At his engagement ring, at an article on a gossip site...
– Christian is obsessed with Ana’s hair
It’s “wild and glossy in the morning light”, then as they start canoodling, it tumbles “around us both, creating a chestnut haven”. Christian has to sweep it out of the way so he can get a better view of his future wife giving him a blowjob. Oh, but then it tumbles again, this time “to her naked breasts”. Later, Christian nuzzles her hair then shaves it off so he can keep it with him, always. OK, maybe I made up that last bit.
– Christian’s penis has a life of its own
I am aware that some* men (not all men) like to name their penises. While Christian hasn’t gone that far (yet), he does seem to treat it like another bloke attached to his groin. It “rejoices” when Ana offers to give Christian a “wake-up call”. That was a snort-laugh moment.
– EL James is still a terrible, terrible writer
I understand, in principle, why Fifty Shades was such a hit. The literary world in particular is afflicted with a snobbery that can be off-putting. Fifty Shades made people feel OK about reading smut in public, and indulging fantasies they might have been judged for otherwise. That said, even if you push aside the fact that Christian is, essentially, what happens when you romanticise toxic and abusive behaviour, the writing here is still abysmal. I mean, it’s bad to the level that I don’t understand how anyone would be able to read this book without stopping at least once to read again, frown (or, as EL James might write, “her eyebrows dipped quizzically into a frown”), and wonder if at this point her editors have just given up. I mean, it’s going to make loads of money anyway, right?
– Christian could compete in the Olympics as a professional moodswinger
The man has had more moodswings by the end of chapter one than I’ve had after a full week of PMS. Of course, only Ana is capable of lifting him out of his dark humour.
– Ana’s eyes are a medical marvel
Seriously, they do some impressive acrobatics here. They are alternatively: half-closed, sparkling with humour, shining with compassion and understanding, sparkling, peeking at him, staring greedily, round with disapproval, luminous in the morning sunshine, doe-eyed, filled with the sheen of unshed tears, and impossibly large.
Chapter 2...
Christian is still insisting that Ana use the Blackberry he gave her to send emails on. Does he know it’s 2021? I suppose if you’re communicating on defunct technology it’s less likely someone could hack your phone.
Special mention for this Grade A prose:
“Charlie Tango is being recovered today and should be back at Boeing Field tonight. The Federal Aviation Administration has handed the inquiry into the emergency landing over to the National Transportation Safety Board. The Euro-copter engineer who was one of the first on-site says it’s incredibly fortunate that I put the fire out with the extinguishers. It will help to speed up theirs and the NTSB’s investigation. I’m hoping to have their initial report tomorrow.”
Genuinely think I would prefer another year in lockdown over being forced to continue reading this.
Still on chapter two...
Christian and Ana are quite possibly the worst flirts in the history of raunch. It goes a bit like this:
– Ana says something blatantly explicit
– Christian: Ooh, are you flirting with me, Ms Steele?
– Ana: Maybeeeeeeeeeeeee.
On to chapter three. I should point out this book, as with the previous two, is written in the form of diary entries. Because every broody billionaire keeps a diary, obvs.
I’m already remembering that EL James tends to pick a few favourite verbs then stick with them through the entire book. She’s also a master of bizarre phrases that seem to tumble out like half-cliches before being chewed and regurgitated into something nonsensical. For instance:
“Fear steals through me like a ghost, leaving goose bumps in its wake.”
Pardon?!
In terms of plot, well, is there one? They’re working towards the wedding, while Christian seems to be doing some half-hearted detective work into who was behind his helicopter crash in the previous book. EL James adds authority to these bits by inserting random bits of technical jargon she appears to have pulled out of a Helicopter Flying for Dummies handbook. That or a Wikipedia page.
The word “sabotage” has been thrown around a lot. Ana is worried, but Christian is determined that nothing should stop her from eating the delicious Thai Green Curry their housekeeper, Mrs Jones (yep) has prepared for them.
There seems to be some sort of attempt by EL James to phase out the more blatant aspects of Christian’s toxic behaviour. But I’m still being bombarded by red flags: the ordering her to eat, the demands of how she communicate with him, the pure, sickening infantilisation of the women who is supposed to be her partner. He treats her like a baby, and James’s obsession with monitoring her innocence – the wide-eyed, gasping, worried “girl” – suggests she thinks this is a quality to be desired. It’s very frustrating.
Another thing: this book is boring.
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