So much for Nigel Farage, the British bulldog – he’d rather be Trump’s US poodle

The bell has tolled for the most consequential politician never to have been elected to Westminster, says Paul Clements. People of Britain, rejoice!

Rather than contest a seat at the UK general election, Nigel Farage says he will help Donald Trump with his latest White House run (LeaveEUOffical/Twitter)

In the vast pantheon of Nigel Farage’s achievements – which, in no particular order, includes the leadership of several fringe parties, and convincing the country to leave the EU against its best interests – perhaps the most remarkable is that, somehow, he is younger than Brad Pitt.

That craggy exterior, complete with saloon-bar tan, is what happens when a man who downs pints, smokes Rothmans and eats camel’s udders on reality TV devotes three decades to circling the drain of British politics.

But for the most consequential politician never to have been elected to Westminster, the bell has now tolled.

Farage has ruled himself out of running for office for an eighth time, saying that now is not “the right time” to stand. Instead, he revealed that his political ambitions are in the United States, and in helping to put a Republican back in the White House.

So much for Farage the British bulldog! It seems he would now rather be Donald Trump’s poodle.

There should be no shame in a man deciding that he’s not up to the job, or – in the old-fashioned F-word heard just a day earlier at Prime Minister’s Questions – that he is “frit”. But the prime minister’s announcement of a general election on July 4 appeared to have caught Farage and his finely-attuned antennae off-guard.

“Rishi Sunak has chosen suicide over political obliteration,” he tweeted, not exactly with his full chest. Did the honorary president of Reform UK miscalculate, like many actual MPs, who believed they had a good six months to play with before the poll, and who are now fuming at the prospect of cancelling summer holiday to fight seats they may lose? Or did Sunak going early force Farage’s hand? Neither prospect will sit well with Our Nige.

Faced with a surprise election, Farage appeared to dissemble, declaring on his nightly GB News show that he would need to “think about it overnight” before deciding whether or not to run. Given what we know now about his stateside ambitions, a less generous reading might be that, with the time difference, he wanted to check in with Trump’s handlers or the orange peril himself.

And why not? The inconvenient truth for Farage is that his political influence here is not what it once was. In the recent local elections, Reform UK helped the Conservatives to an even bloodier nose, eating into their vote share – but winning just two council seats of their own.

On a personal level, it’s almost five years since Farage was last on Question Time, a show that could be reliably called upon to book him every six months, even though it felt more often.

Fiona Bruce’s loss is Donald Trump’s gain. Alastair Campbell found the funny in “Mr Union Jack”’s de facto retirement from the frontline of British politics, telling the Today programme this is confirmation that we have passed Peak Farage. Rejoice, people – rejoice.

With a bit of luck, Farage soon won’t be our problem. Admittedly, his damage has been done – in a world of lingering negative impacts, Brexit has reduced GDP by at least three (if not five) per cent, shrunk the work market by two million jobs and left the average Briton nearly £2,000 a year worse off – but the man that The Donald believes we call “Britain Trump” won’t be able to hurt us any more.

It is hard to see where Farage fits in in Starmer’s Britain, even within a defeated, even-harder-right Tory party. Theresa May said the quiet part out loud last week when she reminded the membership that Farage is no Conservative of any recognisable stripe, despite the efforts of some, who are keen to welcome him into their ranks.

With his ambitions now out in the open, perhaps Farage might instead encourage other damaged right-wing goods – NatCons such as Liz Truss and Sir Jacob Rees Mogg – to step into his transatlantic slipstream and join him?

For all his obvious faults, Farage has had his uses. Against type, he was personally instrumental in smoothing the way for shadow foreign secretary David Lammy to meet leading lights in Trump’s top team on a recent trip stateside. We can only hope he doesn’t still have his eyes on the British ambassador’s residence in Washington.

Never shy about weaponising Second World War mythology – Europe-bashing, bulldog spirit, never-surrendering – Farage will appreciate an irony arising from his calling time on his political ambitions. When it comes to Westminster, his legend will now be not so much of the boastful “Two World Wars and one World Cup” variety, but “Seven-Nil”. Ignominious barely covers it.

Think it’s all over? It is now.