‘We moved in together after two dates’: How lockdown has accelerated the way we date

As research finds that new couples are committing to one another faster than ever, Olivia Petter examines why the pandemic has turbo-boosted relationships

(Getty/iStock)

Emma knew there was something different about Nic when they met. “Whether it was the ease of the conversation, the same sense of humour, the relatable backgrounds, the love of the same sports, I really don’t know,” the 30-year-old tells me from her home in Solihull. Emma and 29-year-old Nic were on their second date on 23 March, after meeting on dating app Bumble, when a breaking news announcement lit up their phones; the UK was going into lockdown.

Despite the new rules putting a stop to meeting anyone outside your household, or doing anything resembling a date, neither was ready to press pause on the relationship. So instead of going their separate ways, Emma and Nic decided to move in together. “We just thought we’d give it a go. It really was a case of sink or swim.”

Four months later, things are indeed going swimmingly – they even met each other’s parents on Zoom. “We went on ‘holiday’ in the garden, where we made cocktails and ate paella to pretend we were in Spain. Things are progressing really well,” says Emma.

• Read more

Why are people breaking lockdown for sex?

It might sound unusual, but the coronavirus outbreak has catalysed many relationships like Emma and Nic’s; giving rise to the term “turbo-relationship”. When the UK went into lockdown, deputy chief medical officer Jenny Harries told nascent couples to “test the strength of their relationship” by moving in together – and many have. Recent research from eHarmony and Relate found that one-third of new couples had reached milestones, such as moving in together, much quicker than they would in normal times. More than half (59 per cent) said they felt more committed to their new partners and more than a third (36 per cent) believe the past two months feels equivalent to two years of commitment.

Of course, a turbo-relationship can go one of two ways. And it is very probable that moving in with someone you’ve only had a handful of conversations with turns out to be one of the worst decisions you’ve ever made. But it could also be one of the best. As least it was for Emma and Nic, who have just booked their first trip away together – and it’s not in the back garden this time.

The way that lockdown intensifies how a relationship works is similar to how a holiday might, says psychologist Jo Hemmings. “You see so much of each other in a relatively short space of time, so there is no game-playing,” she explains. Long gone are the WhatsApp think tanks about how to reply to a person’s text. If you’re living with someone in lockdown, there is no hiding how you feel or what mood you’re in. All of our cards are on the table and open to scrutiny – and we get to know people faster.

This is something Emma has noticed; saying lockdown has given both her and Nic a chance to see each other’s bad habits (as well as good). “This has led us both to agree that buying a dishwasher is our first priority,” she says. Hemmings explains that living together so quickly means we “can’t put on our best presentation skills”. That level of vulnerability is what brings people close together. Combine that with the fact that we’re in the midst of a deadly pandemic, and it’s not hard to see why people might be quicker to open up to one another on a deeper and more intimate level.

Emily, 27, from London, moved in with her boyfriend after just two weeks of dating. “Three-and-a-half months later and I’m still here!” she says. The challenge of getting to know one another in such intense circumstances has proven difficult – both Emily and her partner work full-time in the NHS – but the alternative of having to keep their fledgling relationship alive virtually was not really an option. “That would have been far too difficult, particularly because of our jobs,” she says. “But I feel that going through this now will serve us well in the long term. We also do weekly ‘progress reviews’ on Sundays to check in with another about what’s working and what isn’t.”

Generally speaking, experts say there is nothing wrong with turbo-boosting your relationship, so long as both partners are happy with the situation. Hemmings says: “It gives you the opportunity to really explore what a long-term, committed relationship might feel like with that person.” It might also provide the perfect foundations for a healthy and long-lasting relationship, given that you will have inevitably had to overcome many challenges together that you wouldn’t normally face in the early stages of dating.

“It’s likely that supporting each other through a challenging time has brought you closer and made you appreciate each other more as well,” notes Peter Saddington, relationships counsellor at Relate. Of course, for some new couples, lockdown may also amplify a lack of compatibility, one that might have come to the surface sooner than it would have in normal circumstances.

That was the case for Jo*, 25, from Brighton, who moved in with someone she met on Hinge after just three weeks of dating. “We committed to each other without really knowing each other. Now it feels like we’re coming out of this lockdown in a serious relationship, but I’m worried I’m starting to get ‘the ick’ [when you suddenly don’t feel attracted to the person you’re dating anymore] – and that’s making me feel really guilty as we’re still living together.”

When you move so quickly in a relationship, you do run the risk of burning out. The difficulty is that once you’ve sped things up, it can be hard to slow them back down again, explains Hemmings. “It will be tough to go back to casually dating someone you’ve already moved in with,” she says. “Some couples will look back and think it all happened too quickly and that speed wasn’t their choice, so it’s good to talk over the situation moving forward.”

Some couples will look back and think it all happened too quickly and that speed wasn’t their choice, so it’s good to talk over the situation moving forward

Jo Hemmings, psychologist

Communication, as always, is key. And if you are having doubts about a relationship moving too quickly, the best thing to do is discuss it with your partner openly and honestly. The good thing is that lockdown restrictions are starting to lift across the UK – and people will soon be able to socialise once again with those outside of their household.

That means those in turbo-boosted relationships will finally have the option of getting some space away from one another, which could be a saving grace to those who are having doubts about their partner. And even if you aren’t having doubts, a healthy amount of personal space will be good for your relationship. “Take the opportunity to enjoy some separate interests and activities,” advises Saddington. “This is really healthy in a relationship and will mean you still have plenty to talk about.”

After spending so much time together just the two of you, it might come as a shock to suddenly do things separately, but autonomy is integral to the success of any partnership long term. “Give yourself some alone time, too,” he adds. “You could try reading in another room or going out for a run.”

There’s no doubt that if you do manage to make it out the other side with your lockdown partner, it will be one hell of a story for the grandkids.

It certainly looks that way for Emma and Nic. After just four months, they’re planning on moving in together properly. “We are so excited for the future and grateful to have been able to spend this time getting to know each other,” says Emma.