‘I went from zero children to being a mum to three kids overnight – including a newborn baby’

Rachael Doman, 40, always knew she and her husband Paul wanted children, but after seven years of failed IVF attempts, she went down the foster-to-adopt route. She tells Charlotte Cripps about the massive shock that happened next

Rachael Doman and her husband Paul with their three children (Supplied)

My husband Paul and I had always wanted kids – it was never a question of if, but when. After we got married in 2012, aged 28, and we’d bought a house in Liverpool, we soon started trying for a family. It never crossed our minds that having a baby would be an issue – I was 30. When it didn’t happen after a year, we went to the GP. After some tests it was confirmed that we’d need IVF as there was an issue with sperm quality.

We had four IVF cycles; two on the NHS and two self-funded. In the last attempt in 2019 we used a sperm donor. I got a positive pregnancy test, but when we had the seven-week viability scan, there was no heartbeat. I felt absolute despair. I was 36 and had been trying for a baby for seven years.

I don’t know how we got through it. Our relationship nearly didn’t make it. We felt sad and were grieving – over time we stopped communicating. Just as we were going to do another IVF attempt with a sperm donor, my sister died unexpectedly of a stroke. We took a break – and then Covid hit in 2020. It gave me time to reflect.

Adoption was always an option because we both, thankfully, knew we really wanted children in our lives, no matter what. Paul would have started the adoption route much sooner, but what held me back was the idea of not having a biological link. I also wanted to experience giving birth. I found it very difficult having to let go and accept that it wasn’t our path. But after some soul searching, I finally called a day on any alternatives. The thought of adoption felt exciting – I noticed a shift.

Adoption is a tough process to go through, though. At times we found it more invasive than the fertility treatments because it gets so personal. At the start of 2021 we met with a social worker from Adoption Matters who we clicked with. I call her our “stork” because she brought us our children. We’d always said we wanted two siblings – we loved the idea of the children coming from the same birth family so they could experience adoption together.

We first looked into Early Permanence, which enables a baby or young child to meet and interact with foster carers who are ready and willing to adopt them later on. At first, we discounted it – for potential adoptive parents, there is the risk that the child will be rehabilitated back to their birth family, meaning you can’t adopt. But we decided to keep an open mind. The chance of rehabilitation is only small: about 90 per cent of children involved in Early Permanence go on to be adopted. Every case is different, but we were told that adoption usually happens six months after the child has been placed in your foster care.

Handing over their baby was a very difficult thing for his birth parents to have to do – and for us. We felt heartbroken for the birth parents and guilt that we were so excited to have this little baby. This is what the courts decided was best

In 2022 we got a life-changing phone call from our social worker. She said she had a potential placement of a little boy, aged four, and his younger sister, who was 17 months. Then she paused. She said the birth mum was pregnant with sibling number three on the way.

Paul and I just looked at each other and laughed. We were taken aback – but we didn’t immediately say “no”. We’d never imagined going from zero children to three overnight. Having a newborn was what we’d always dreamt about, but we needed to get our heads around having three kids all at once. The social worker wanted to know if we were interested. We just said, “yes, let’s find out more”.

We knew we had to be ready quickly for any placement offered to us and had decorated two bedrooms in neutral colours with the view we’d be getting two children. Luckily, we had some basics already and had narrowed down pram choices. But having a third child threw us. We didn’t know if the baby would definitely come to us until it was born.

It all happens very quickly with Early Permanence; a few weeks after our call, a plan was put in place. We met the two children on the Monday and they moved in with us on the Friday. Then five weeks later their baby brother was born. The first meeting with the two eldest children was for just about an hour in their house in the north-west of England. We were nervous in case the children didn’t like us. We didn’t know what they looked like either, but they were just so cute. It really was love at first sight. We couldn’t wait to get to know them and get involved in their lives.

The eldest boy was asleep; his hair was a bit long and we likened him to a little lion. The little girl with her huge blue eyes was just adorably cheeky. Then we went over again the next day and took them out for a few hours, then they came to our house for the day.

‘We got so much joy from being with them’ (Supplied)

The day they moved in with us they had their toys and balloons – they were running around like mad. It’s cheesy to say, but Paul and I pinched ourselves because we were finally hearing children in our house. A few weeks later, I got the call that the baby had been born and that I needed to pack a bag and come to the hospital – we took over the foster care of the baby when he was only six hours old.

Paul held him first. We couldn’t believe how tiny he was – and just so perfect. Paul then passed him to me, and I couldn’t stop looking at him. Tears were shed by everyone. Handing over their baby was a very difficult thing for his birth parents to have to do – and for us. We felt heartbroken for the birth parents and guilt that we were so excited to have this little baby. This is what the courts decided was best.

It was only later, once the birth mum and dad had left, that our hearts exploded with happiness – we never thought we’d experience having a newborn. I spent the night in the hospital and took him home the next day.

We had been seeing the birth parents twice a week leading up to the baby’s birth for “Family Time” at a special contact centre – and continued to do so until they were adopted. Our case took an unusually long time and we were in the fostering stage for 18 months.

We had to stay in the present because we didn’t know if the children would definitely become ours one day. It felt very scary to think they might not stay with us and that we might not be involved in their lives in the future. But we got so much joy from being with them.

The baby’s siblings were besotted with him from the start. It was absolute chaos at home with the noise and mess but it was the chaos we’d been waiting for. We were living the dream. We finally became a Forever Family in 2023 when we were granted our adoption. I gave up my job as a primary teacher working part-time. It just wasn’t manageable with three kids. Now I’m a full-time mummy.

‘Going from zero to three children overnight was like a whirlwind’ (Supplied)

The children have been with us nearly three years now. We just celebrated our first “familyversary” – a term used in the adoption world to celebrate the day of adoption. We don’t see the birth family anymore, but when the children are 18 they will be able to see them if they wish.

Going from zero to three children overnight was like a whirlwind – we didn’t get much chance to digest how crazy it was. But Paul and I were ready to embark on the adventure together. Now that we have our children, it doesn’t bother me that they don’t look like us – I take so much delight in seeing the three of them in each other.

When you adopt, people often pitch you as heroes, but it always grates on us because we’re not. This is just the way we had children, and if anything our children rescued us.

To find out more about adoption or starting your adoption journey, visit youcanadopt.co.uk/naw