Chrissy Teigen says she is ‘full of regret’ over decision not to look at son Jack’s face when he was born

'I was so scared of seeing him in my nightmares that I forgot about seeing him in my dreams'

Chrissy Teigen expresses regret over decision not to look at her stillborn son’s face (Getty Images)

Chrissy Teigen has revealed she is “full of regret” that she never looked at her son Jack’s face when he was born while opening up about her continued grief over the pregnancy loss.

On Friday, the Cravings author, who shared that she and husband John Legend lost their third child in late September at 20 weeks, discussed her sadness over what would have been her due date on Instagram.

Sharing photos from Legend’s Wild music video, in which she had announced her pregnancy, Teigen wrote: “These are from our video shoot for Wild in Mexico. I was 10 weeks along and out of my mind happy. I knew the video would take a bit to get together so thought it would be cute to share our news with the world through the ol' classic hand on belly trick at the end.

“I could have never imagined what would happen over the next 10 weeks...not sure I’ll ever be able to watch that video again without sobbing but I hope he feels my tears and knows we miss him so.”

In the emotional post, the 35-year-old revealed that Jack would “have been here any day now” and that she would “probably be holding him as we speak”.

Teigen then expressed the heartbreaking regret she feels over her decision not to look at her son’s face when he was born, writing: “I am so full of regret that I didn’t look at his face when he was born. I was so scared of seeing him in my nightmares that I forgot about seeing him in my dreams.

“I hurt everyday from that remorse.”

The mother-of-two, who shares daughter Luna, four, and son Miles, two, with Legend, also reflected on her continued experience grieving the couple’s third child, explaining that she thought “the worst was over” but that this month has been hard for her.

“I guess life and emotions aren’t on any sort of schedule,” she wrote.

Teigen concluded the post expressing her gratitude to all of the people who have reached out, adding that she “firmly believes energy and healing travels through the night sky and I feel it, I promise I do”.

“And I love you Jack. I miss you so so much,” she added. 

The post prompted an outpouring of supportive comments, with Teigen’s followers offering their well-wishes and sharing their own experiences with grief. 

“Sending you so much love. Not everybody knows who their guardian angel is. You know yours is named Jack,” celebrity makeup artist Joanna Simkin wrote.

Another person said: “I remember when my due date passed - it was almost like losing my daughter all over again. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. It’s such a difficult experience - the hardest.”

“Grief isn’t linear, it’s a cycle. Some days you feel better but then you can be back at day one all over again. Sending you love,” someone else wrote.

Teigen’s post comes after she revealed earlier this week that she has been feeling “off” and that she had to undergo surgery to treat endometriosis. 

“My little Jack would have been born this week so I'm a bit off. I truly feel kicks in my belly, but it's not phantom. I have surgery for endometriosis tomorrow...but the period feeling this month is exactly like baby kicks. Sigh,” she wrote.

In an update after the surgery, the cookbook author said the procedure was a "toughie" but that it is "truly still better than the contractions and the pain of endo".