I’ve got a mild case of ‘Omicron envy’ – have you?

I’ve known loads of people who have had the thing twice by now – but my lateral flow tests have so far all proved negative, writes Jenny Eclair

The cinema was at about 50 per cent capacity, with people spacing themselves sensibly around the available seating (Getty)

Here’s a weird new thing – “Omicron envy”. I’ve got it and I suspect some of you may have it too. I’m talking about those of us who feel fit and well enough to withstand the new variant (rather than those who would be very adversely affected by it) and are slightly miffed that we haven’t managed to catch a nice mild dose of it by now.

As a freelancer who was off work anyway over the festive break, it could have tied in nicely with staying home and doing sod all. As it happened, I was also recovering from a spine operation and already in bed for hours on end, so it would have been convenient to have killed two birds with one stone.

But so far, I have remained Covid (in whatever variety) free. Despite knowing loads of people who have had the thing twice by now, my lateral flow tests have so far all proved negative, and I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to have a cold.

Obviously, I’m not alone. Amongst my close family, only my brother and my niece, freshly back from university for the holidays, ended up in isolation on Christmas Day. Both experienced extremely minor cases, I’m happy to report. In fact, my brother genuinely couldn’t believe he did have it, until the PCR test came back positive. “Had I not tested,” he said, “it wouldn’t have kept me off work.”

Now they are both fully recovered, I must admit to a pang of jealousy. Theirs is the version we all want, a week of feeling a bit under the weather and then back on your feet and bouncing around, full of antibodies and with no lingering after-effects.

Despite being apparently transmittable by the merest whiff of someone’s infected breath, neither my nephew nor sister-in-law contracted the virus, even though they were sharing the same quarters. This is a pattern that has repeated itself up and down the country, with some household members crashing out and others remaining completely untouched.

There are all sorts of theories over this. A mate of mine, still resolutely clinging to her crumpled packet of Benson & Hedges, insists that smokers have a higher resistance (dubious), whilst others mutter about blood groups, efficient T cells and genetics.

The fact is, whilst there are still so many unknowns, what we do know is that the government is reluctant to lock the country down again, so we are just going to have to live with this thing.

Getting on with life after having been so cautious for so long is a weird one. After being in isolation for a week prior to my op and then spending a couple of further weeks recovering and only popping out for the odd walk, venturing back into society feels slightly alien.

I began with a trip to the cinema, a late afternoon screening at the local Peckham Plex (all tickets £5). The way I saw it was that if I felt overwhelmed or panicky about the place being packed, then we could opt out without losing too much money.

We chose the arguably unnecessary remake of West Side Story for our first foray out, as I suspected I wouldn’t be so emotionally invested in the film that I couldn’t leave if I felt uncomfortable. Let’s face it – if I bailed, I could go home and watch the original on the telly.

As it happened, the cinema was at about 50 per cent capacity, with people spacing themselves sensibly around the available seating. As for mask-wearing, despite Chris Whitty’s face looming large on an NHS ad sandwiched between an advert for The Matrix and another film that looked like The Matrix but was apparently an entirely different movie, the family sitting behind us remained unmasked throughout the 156 minutes of Shark and Jet action.

I’m trying to get better about this. “They’ve probably all had it,” I reasoned with myself, and I can’t start a fight every time I go out, not when my left hand is still incapable of swinging a decent hook.

To keep up to speed with all the latest opinions and comment, sign up to our free weekly Voices Dispatches newsletter by clicking here

I kept my mouth shut and concentrated on the big screen in front of me and spent the next two and a half hours wondering whether the remake was entirely worth it. Spielberg’s West Side Story isn’t a bad film by any means, and it has a handful of stand-out performances that take it to an entirely different level. Ariana DeBose dances away with the movie as Anita, with Mike Faist as Riff and David Alvarez as Bernardo in hot pursuit.

Rachel Zegler is gorgeous as Maria, however her love interest, Ansel Elgort, is outshone in every scene. But what do I know? It looks great and the dance scenes are spectacular. I stuck it out and I wasn’t freaked out.

Omicron might get me and it might not, but considering I’m double jabbed and boosted, I’m as protected as I can be. In any case, my tour starts up again soon and I need to get used to leaving the house. Yesterday, the cinema; tomorrow, the hairdressers... on the bus. Good luck to all.