What do Gareth Southgate and Keir Starmer have in common? Quite a lot, actually

England football fans say they want to win games and Labour supporters say they want to win seats, but, asks Marie Le Conte, do they really want that at any cost?

We usually find it easier to forgive people for failing if they entertained us along the way (Reuters/Getty)

What do we want from a leader? Not just in politics, I mean – leaders in general. People in charge of something. What do we want from them? We want them to do the job to the best of their ability, presumably, but is that really all?

I ask because it is the question that has been hiding in plain sight for most of the past week. It has been hanging like a ghost around Keir Starmer, who was described as “boring” by a shadow cabinet member. He tried to fight back in a meeting that was later leaked and described, regrettably, as boring as well.

It has been hovering menacingly over Gareth Southgate, following the England team’s frankly appalling 4-0 loss against Hungary. The game was especially embarrassing but it wasn’t a one-off; the Three Lions’ performances throughout the Nations League have, for the most part, been underwhelming.

The reaction has, on the other hand, been anything but. “What is most startling about England’s dip in form is the violence of the reaction”, Barney Ronay wrote in The Guardian, “the squeals of genuine rage that have accompanied not just this defeat but the victories that preceded it”.

Once adored by a nation desperate for even a shred of joy and unity, Southgate is now, if not quite public enemy number one, then at least persona non grata among many football fans. I know this because I received some gloating messages from a friend a few days ago, someone who’s always loathed the man and the waistcoat and is now feeling vindicated.

We’ve spent a lot of time arguing about him, the two of us: him an England-born, lifelong football supporter, I an immigrant who fell into the sport a few years ago, more or less at random. Because I have little baggage and, if I’m honest, not a great, deep understanding of the sport, I’m just happy whenever England win.

England have won a lot under Southgate and so I like him; the games aren’t always thrilling, but I don’t hugely mind. I barely know what’s happening on the pitch half the time anyway. My friend, on the other hand, resents Southgate for how dull he has made the team, for managing to make even exhilarating wins look a bit bland.

That isn’t what English football is about, he’s often told me; England are a team of s****, of men who would rather explode in a blaze of glory than carefully and cautiously make their way to the top. I like to think I had the upper hand in those early pub discussions, as Southgate was winning and that is what a good leader does.

You may not like him or the way he works, but he gets results. I am not sure I have the upper hand any more; England are losing now, and not even doing it in a compelling fashion. A slow and methodical victory is better than a spectacular loss, but a dull defeat is the single worst outcome of all.

Which brings us back to Keir Starmer. He is not a showy man and he is not fiery; he is not particularly funny and there isn’t much to say about him as a person. Because of the nature of politics and opposition, we do not yet know if he is any good at his job. Sure, there are polls and focus groups and column inches but they don’t matter a whole lot.

At the end of the day, British voters are a volatile lot, especially at the moment, and it is impossible to predict which way the next general election will go. Is Starmer any good at his job? It’s hard to tell! Don’t believe anyone sounding too certain either way. No one really knows.

It is a problem because we are, at heart, as a people, liars. What do we want from a leader? England fans say they want to win games and Labour supporters say they want to win seats, but do they really want that at any cost? They want the bread, but do they not want some circuses as well?

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We usually find it easier to forgive people for failing if they entertained us along the way. I mean, look at Boris Johnson – he knows this. Sometimes you wonder if it’s all he knows. I don’t think it’s something we love to admit about ourselves, but it’s true. We want to win and we want to have a good time doing it.

That is why the Labour Party currently feels like an experiment run by Erwin Schrödinger. People will just about tolerate being bored if they know that victory is around the corner; take that away from them and they will resent you more than they have ever resented anyone.

Johnson’s clown act is clever in and of itself but also because it acts as cushioning; we are quicker to forgive those who amuse and distract us. It is not going to work forever but that doesn’t really matter; it’s worked for long enough already. Southgate and Starmer don’t have that luxury; if they fail, there will be nothing there to save them.