My five-year-old son came home from school in tears and said he ‘hated’ his afro hair

Afro hair oppression and discrimination is real – as is the pressure to fit in and appease others

This problem is deep-rooted and goes way beyond the school gates (Luke Carthy)

I’m a father of two – my son Jaden is nine and my daughter Ava is five. Yesterday was World Afro Day. This is significant: why? Well, as a man who has experienced racism in my childhood, I’d like to think that, since then, change has occurred when it comes to racism and feeling visible in the classroom.

However, just one week into my son’s first days at school, I was rudely awakened and reminded that in 25 years, change hasn’t been as quick as I or any parent would like. I remember him coming home from school and realising that he was really upset. In tears, he said to me: “Dad, I don’t like my hair – no one else has hair like me in my class. Why can’t my hair be like everyone else’s?”

Indirect racism, feeling unseen, feeling estranged and that no one else looks like you – how is my son going through what I went through an entire generation ago?

Now, just to be clear, I’m not suggesting that my son’s school is racist. Sure, he’s had a few unsavoury things said to him by his peers, but this is school – who hasn’t? Kids can be curious, brutal even at times.

However, my son’s school is predominantly white and my son is mixed race. Feeling like you don’t belong, and not seeing other people that look like you or have hair like yours or skin like yours, can definitely give a child a similar feeling to racism.

This problem is deep-rooted and goes way beyond the school gates.

The issue begins to become a little clearer once you begin to take a look at the world of hair care. Afro hair care is often missing from the supermarket shelves, it’s missing from TV ads, and it’s missing from magazines. Textured hair is frequently labelled as “unprofessional” and “unkept” in the workplace and kids have been suspended from school for wearing their hair naturally.

Afro hair oppression and discrimination is real. The problem intensifies further still for black women and women with textured hair. The pressure to manipulate your hair to a European standard is huge for so many women with textured or afro hair, to fit in and appease others in the workplace.

It goes without saying that this is not OK, and the recently introduced Black Hair Code by the Halo Collective is testament to the need for change. The Halo Collective reports some sobering statistics when it comes to afrocentric hair care, including that 46 per cent of parents say that their children’s school policy penalises afro hair, and one in four black adults had a negative experience at school in relation to their hair texture.

How is any young child, black or of dual heritage, supposed to feel like they fit in when the overwhelming majority of what they see in the world of hair care is so centred around European hair standards?

For example, next time you go into a supermarket, take a look at the range of hair dyes and note how many of the women on the boxes have curly or textured hair. You may be surprised at what you see.

When it comes to buying and sourcing afrocentric hair care products, you really have to go far and wide to get what you need. Many supermarkets just don’t stock afro-friendly hair care products, they’re just not there, and it makes you feel that your hair type isn’t important.

To find afro hair care products, you often need to travel to specialist hair shops. More often than not, these stores aren’t Black-owned and the knowledge about afro hair is sparse. As a customer, you’re left feeling like you don’t matter and it’s all about getting your money. Finding the right products should come before profit.

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But perhaps all it takes is a little role-modelling – as I’ve done with my son. I made an effort to introduce him to the world of afro hair care and helped him to embrace his hair and try to love his curls. It worked – he’s now come full circle.

He chooses to carry an afro comb in his backpack to keep his curls on point throughout the day, he’s confidently growing his hair out, he refuses to wear caps as they’ll mess it up... and lastly? He doesn’t like it if anyone touches his hair – me included!

Every young child with textured, curly or coily hair should feel at ease, comfortable and confident in the hair they were born with.

Luke Carthy is the founder of Afrodrops, a Black-owned brand designed to normalise afro hair care and make it more accessible