Women, looking to improve your sex life? Try a crush on someone else

A study suggests fancying someone other than your partner could set the bedroom on fire

A couple kisses ( PIERRE ANDRIEU/AFP/Getty Images)

According to a recent study, women who harbour crushes enjoy better relationships and even better sex lives. Research found that 70 per cent of the women they surveyed, who were all in long term relationships, admitted to having crushes on other people during their time with their partner.

Of course, just because we're in the depths of a relationship doesn't mean we're consistently tunnel visioned. Finding other people attractive is natural, but god forbid a woman have any kind of sexual desire outside of what society idealises as a 'traditional', monogamous relationship, right?

Aside from this, the study found that the women surveyed kept their crushes to themselves, and that some of their sex lives grew positively from them, due to "emotional transference" and "funnelling increased sexual desire".

In my own relationship, I feel comfortable enough with my partner to be able to discuss when people are attractive, in a platonic way. Similarly, it's okay for me to say that I find Ryan Phillipe in Cruel Intentions and Chloe Sevigny enjoyable, as well as for my partner to say that he would marry Jennifer Aniston in season two of Friends in a heartbeat. However, commenting on how good-looking Sarah from IT is or how dreamy a guy reading John Green on the tube was is a whole other kettle of fish.

Celebrity crushes cannot be conflated with fancying work colleagues or friends. And that's what is ambiguous about this study. At least the celebrity crush can rarely ever find life further than the end of a season on Netflix or a miraculous Twitter favourite. When the crushes reflect people who are tangible and in some way obtainable, this is when it gets messy. Employing "emotional transference" via a work colleague doesn't seem like a bedroom technique many of us would enjoy.

However, being open and honest about crushes can reflect what you desire most from your own relationship, or what needs to be worked on. After all, the very definition of 'crush' - aside from the smash/squash/pulverize angle - is a brief infatuation that isn't to be taken seriously. Maybe you're not totally down for eloping with Jill from HR after lunch, but you like that she's up for a laugh. Crushes can reflect aspects of your life you're not entirely happy with, so maybe they should be embraced, to an extent. Even more so, what's perceived as your own perfect relationship may involve more than one love or live in an entirely different kind of framework.

Whatever these kinds of studies show, it's impossible to provide conclusive evidence when sexuality is such a layered and indefinable thing. Can an American study of approximately 200 women reflect the sexual and emotional needs of an entire gender? Their demographic can't possibly span every definition of 'relationship'. It would be interesting to see how intersectional the study was. No one should be shamed for what gets them off, or told how best to maintain their personal involvements. And in this day and age, relationships aren't all cookie cutter. Being honest with your partner isn't up for discussion, but crushes, fantasies or infatuations are discretionary.