The secret behind the so-called ‘rules’ of wine

What should you do if your dinner party host swaps your nice bottle of merlot for an inferior grape? Should you ever put ice in your prosecco? What kind of glassware should you drink from? Wine expert Rosamund Hall explains why sometimes the best way to approach wine is to just relax and enjoy it

The more time I’ve spent working with wine, the more I believe that wine etiquette is pretty much bunkum (Istock)

I loved sauvignon blanc when I first started getting into wine (it’s not my favourite grape now, but tastes change). When I plucked up the courage to go into a very austere-looking wine shop in London and boldly asked for a delicious, crisp “cabernet sauvignon”, the (male) sales assistant looked at me, and said, are you sure? I said, yes, ideally chilled please, and, no jokes, he laughed right at me. I felt utterly humiliated.

I had got it wrong. This was just the start of my many “errors” in wine connoisseurship: I muddled up grape varieties and regions, I always saved wine for “special occasions”, I kept wine because I thought it got better with age, and I believed that small French wine goblets were great (actually, I still do, despite any smug wine bore who tells me otherwise).

I had little understanding of the etiquette of wine, and was shocked at how many unspoken rules there were. Thankfully I now know that most of these “rules” are total nonsense – but they still manage to act as a barrier to people discovering the joy of elixir of the grape, and I can’t stand it.

Take glassware, for instance. A wine shop I used to work in sold what seemed like the definitive collection of wine glasses. There was one for all the major varieties and styles of wines, hand-blown by Austrian artisans, lovingly boxed up and ready to cost you far more than even the most expensive bottle of wine. Customers pored over them, asking me for detailed advice – but I could never bring myself to upsell them as I thought they were a total waste of money.

It’s nonsense that you need to have several differently shaped glasses just to enjoy a drink. The truth is, you only need one good wine glass to enjoy all wines (and that includes sparkling). I would recommend something with a thin rim, that’s pretty narrow and tapered at the top. I also recommend something that can go in the dishwasher.

But what about swirling your wine? I am often the object of ridicule among my loved ones as I am regularly caught swirling my tea, sucking in a little air, and sloshing around my mouth – a habit built over many years of wine tasting. But should you be doing this? There’s nothing wrong with a little swirl of the wine in your glass to help “open” up and release its flavours, and a small swish around the mouth instead of just gulping it down, will definitely elevate your drinking pleasure – but it certainly isn’t mandatory! By all means, gulp away if that’s what you prefer.

And then there’s the conundrum of what to bring to a dinner party. We’ve all been in this situation: you’ve picked up a tasty bottle from your wine shop that you’re excited to drink, you arrive at your host’s home, present the bottle, only for it to be whisked away and never seen again.

Of course, this is fine if you’re being served a carefully selected treat, but what if they’re pouring something far inferior to the wine that you brought along? It’s a difficult situation – do you just stay quiet and surreptitiously “water” the spider plant lurking in the corner of the kitchen, or do you boldly request that your bottle is opened?

Honestly? I would opt for the latter. On arrival, you could say something like, “I’m really looking forward to sharing this wine with you tonight”, or “I’ve chilled this so it’s ready to go!” I’m a little extreme, but I once rocked up to a dinner party with a decanter in tow – a pretty obvious statement of intent (they were good friends and weren’t surprised).

And don’t get me started on language and wine. There is so much pressure to do your best Jilly Goolden circa 1995 when describing your drink, floridly talking about the aroma of fresh rain on tarmac, and the lanolin excreted by a spring lamb. But most wine is actually fairly simple, fruity, and not much else. You don’t have to come up with a list of 37 different descriptors to enjoy a wine. I’m happy to give you a rundown on what I taste, but it won’t dramatically change the pleasure you garner from a wine.

As rosé season is fast approaching, what about putting ice in your wine? I must admit, I have winced at this in the past, not least because I always try to serve wine at the appropriate temperature. However, who am I to judge? If you want your wine chilled even more – and perhaps diluted a little too – why not pop some large ice cubes in to do just that. Heck, add a dash of soda too if you want! You do your wine how you like. And while we’re at it, you can hold it any way you like too – by the stem, one hand on the bowl, or embraced like you’ve discovered the Holy Grail.

In fact, the more time I’ve spent working with wine, the more I believe that wine etiquette is pretty much bunkum. The most important thing is to just enjoy it: if you muddle up your cabernet sauvignon and your sauvignon blanc, put ice in your wine and drink the finest barolo on a Tuesday night with your spag bol, then I say cheers to that!

Rosamund Hall (DipWSET) is a freelance writer and wine consultant