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The Top 10: Unused Band Names
If there aren’t bands with these names, there really ought to be
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Your support makes all the difference.This list started with the Deliverance Ministry, which really is a part of the Church of England that does exorcisms. I can’t guarantee that there aren’t bands with the following names, because there certainly ought to be.
1. Cato Street Conspiracy. Nominated by Rob Merrick, historian of attempts to murder prime ministers (that one, in 1820, aimed to kill Lord Liverpool and the entire cabinet).
2. Donny Rumsfeld and the Unknown Unknowns. From Andy Woodcock. On the Pentagon label.
3. The Duckworth-Lewis Method. Nominated by John Peters. It’s a formula for calculating the score needed to win in limited-overs cricket, now called the Duckworth-Lewis-Stern Method, which is beginning to sound like Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young.
4. Sainte-Laguë and the Largest Remainder. Another maths-based nomination from Martin Campbell. It is a method for allocating seats in party-list proportional representation. The band was probably previously called D’Hondt and the Droop Quota.
5. Hapax Legomenisers. From Peter Wass. A hapax legomenon is a term of which only one use is recorded.
6. Flaming Caterpillars. From Graham Fildes, who says this was a headline in The Daily Telegraph on a story about the spread of brown-tail moth caterpillars, whose hairs are an irritant to humans, in the UK because of global warming.
7. The Fancy Cheese People. “There used to be a shop on Farringdon Road of that name,” said Ben Milne.
8. The Zinoviev Letter. Thanks to Gerard Baker.
9. The Dominic Grieve Amendment. Hugo Rifkind said last year that “in 2032 there will be an indie band” of that name. Nick Smith suggested their debut LP would be called The Contempt Of The Commons. Clare Hoare said the hit single would be “Back-STOP in the Name of Love”.
10. Maximum Facilitation. Another Brexit-based nomination, from Ben Kentish.
Honourable mention for Andrew Whiteside, who said he always thought Diamond Star Halo, a line from T-Rex’s “Get It On”, would be a fantastic band name. So did someone else, which is why there is a band from Austin, Texas, of that name. And for Steven Richards, who nominated The Banned List.
Next week: Fictional prime ministers – now is the time for this list, as the selection of Theresa May’s successor gets under way.
Coming soon: Things that won’t happen until after Brexit.
Your suggestions please, and ideas for future Top 10s, to me on Twitter, or by email to top10@independent.co.uk
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