The Top 10: Things that won’t happen until after Brexit
‘I’ll do it after we’ve left the EU’: the all-purpose excuse for not tidying your room, booking your holiday or sorting out the social care crisis
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Your support makes all the difference.Sebastian Bacon suggested this list when the prime minister said that she would resign as soon as we left the EU. At the time, we were told David Cameron wouldn’t be publishing his memoir until afterwards, so that it wouldn’t disrupt the negotiations, and John Bercow said he would postpone his retirement as speaker of the House of Commons until Brexit was resolved.
Theresa May has since announced her resignation and Cameron’s book is coming out on 19 September, but the speaker goes on and on and on.
1. John Bercow standing down as speaker. This week marked the 10th year of what he originally promised would be a nine-year term.
2. The arrival of Godot. Nominated by Patrick O’Flynn.
3. Alcohol passing Jake Berry’s lips. The local government minister and Boris Johnson supporter gave up alcohol in January, telling friends he’d resume drinking after Brexit. “Now he has to abstain until at least October,” commented the Daily Mail.
4. A clean-shaven Adam Hills, presenter of The Last Leg. He said he won’t shave his beard until after Brexit. Thanks to Jo-Anne Burrows.
5. A majority of Leave voters on a BBC Question Time panel. Julia Hartley-Brewer applies through me to be on TV more often.
6. Nigel Farage’s retirement from politics. Thanks to Andrew Meldrum, but that has already happened several times. “Farage quits politics and stays quit,” suggested Ian Rapley, which also seems implausible.
7. The Independent Group for Change settling on one name, social media name and logo. Nominated by Sebastian Bacon.
8. The invention of technology for an invisible border in Ireland, or for carbon capture and storage, or for self-driving cars.
9. Scottish independence and a united Ireland. Several nominations for the break-up of the United Kingdom.
10. The next ice age. I’m not even sure about that, suggested by Mark Hopkinson and Galloping Henry.
Other nominations included a new season of Firefly (Tim Almond); hell freezing over (Dan Frydman); the Brexit inquiry (bleak humour from Roxie SugaCane); and reapplying to rejoin the EU (Matt Hoffman). Many thanks to all.
Next week: Backing musicians, such as Cher as singer for the Ronettes and Reg Dwight on piano for the Hollies.
Coming soon: Politician painters, after Boris Johnson’s bus-box revelation.
Your suggestions please, and ideas for future Top 10s, to me on Twitter, or by email to top10@independent.co.uk
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