The Top 10: Jokes
A collection of one-liners from Twitter’s finest
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Your support makes all the difference.As is traditional for the holiday season, I leave you in the hands of funny people off the internet. Thanks to Moose Allain for the cartoon.
1. I wouldn’t say I was angry about my Peruvian ancestry. Incandescent is the word I would use. Sanjeev Kohli.
2. I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said: “Thanks.” I said: “Don’t mention it.” Mark Sparrow.
3. I was the first person to install trampolines in musicians’ tour buses and now everybody is jumping on the bandwagon. Summer Ray.
4. “You’re right, Harold. That is a nasty eye wound.” William the Concurrer. Glenny Rodge.
5. I know how to build a pyramid. Up to a point. Robert Wilkinson.
6. It’s weird; usually I go ages without accidentally mentioning ice cream flavours but then again there are some days when I can’t stop myself. There’s just no rum or raisin to it. Glenny Rodge.
7. To the person who stole my trainers and hi-vis jacket… You can run, but you can’t hide. Dad Joke Man.
8. I worked in a record shop; bloke came in and asked, “What have you got by The Doors?” I said, “A fire extinguisher.” Karl Clemmy.
9. It’s actually bad luck to say MacBook in an office. You have to call it “The Scottish Laptop”. Nathalie Kernot.
10. I thought I might win the competition to design comfortable shoes for the Italian Bigfoot but unfortunately it was a crushing defeat. Moose Allain.
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Next week: Political rows that seemed huge at the time but now seem oddly quaint, such as the pasty tax (thanks to Matt Chorley).
Coming soon: Fake deaths, inspired by the TV drama about John Darwin, mistitled The Thief, His Wife and the Canoe (it was a kayak).
Your suggestions please, and ideas for future Top 10s, to me on Twitter, or by email to top10@independent.co.uk
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