The Top 10 job titles
A league table of genuine occupational titles put together by the Putter Togetherer of lists
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Your support makes all the difference.This one was started by Graham Fildes, who was struck by the Putter Togetherer, responsible for final assembly of hand-made hairdressing scissors at Ernest Wright, Sheffield. The firm even has a couple of apprentice Putter Togetherers. I had forgotten that I had already done this idea, six years ago, so this is really the second half of a Top 20.
1. Banana Ripener. Genuine job. One advert includes as duties: “Ensure the implementation of the banana ripening programme … Carry out training of Assistant and Trainee Ripeners.” Thanks also to Graham Fildes.
2. Musterer. The Green Party in New Zealand didn’t like the concept of a whip, so they renamed it. Thanks to the Masked Marvel.
3. Forensic Musicologist. Such as Professor Joe Bennett of Berklee College of Music, Massachusetts, “who as an expert witness advises music lawyers, publishers, artists and songwriters on matters of plagiarism and musical similarity”. Another from Graham Fildes.
4. Head of Uncertainty and Scenarios, Department for Transport. Post advertised last month. Thanks to Patrick Taylor, Karim Palant.
5. Grip. They do those railways for cameras to run on on a film set. Directed by a key grip. The best boy or best girl is the first assistant to the grip crew. Thanks to Niall Smith.
6. The Receiver of Wreck. The UK appointee who manages finders, owners, claims and recordings of shipwrecks. It is still a government post. Thanks to Iain Boyd, who also nominated the Wandsmen, the traditional volunteer ushers at St Paul’s Cathedral.
7. Broggler. Ted Waldron: “I worked in crop research. When planting seeds it was the job of a staff member to walk behind the tractor and seed drill, clearing any blockages with a metal pole. The task was known as broggling and the employee as a broggler.”
8. King’s Remembrancer. Judicial post created in 1154, charged with remembering things – that is, a record-keeper. Title now held by the senior master of the King’s Bench Division of the High Court, Dame Victoria Sharp. Nominated by Simon Cook.
9. Director of Rodent Mitigation, New York City. “Do you have what it takes to do the impossible? A virulent vehemence for vermin? A background in urban planning, project management, or government? And most importantly, the drive, determination and killer instinct needed to fight the real enemy – New York City’s relentless rat population?”
10. Saggar maker’s bottom knocker. A classic from What’s My Line? in the late 1950s. Makes the base of the saggar, a ceramic tray for holding pottery being fired in a kiln. Nominated by Paul Wingrove, Roger Thomas, David Watson, Iain McNeil, Chris Dixon and Bill Bennett.
I tried to keep the list to current occupations, although I have no idea how many saggar maker’s bottom knockers there are now. Honourable mentions for Rod Spurrier and Iain Mackinnon who nominated can dodger, listed in a government dictionary of occupational terms in 1921: “removes full sliver cans from machines, and substitutes empty ones.” Under “textile workers” alone, the list includes box minder, dandy rover, jigger, sliverer, slubber and tummer feeder.
Another honourable mention for Paul T Horgan, who nominated Sub-Deputy Opium Agent in the Opium Department of the Indian Civil Service, a post held by the father of Eric Blair, better known as George Orwell.
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And for Mick O’Hare, whose grandfather retired as a wiredrawer in the 1960s. “He used to talk about the man at the end of the production line who was called ‘the man at the end of the line’. I presumed it was just his descriptive term but when I was clearing out his stuff I found old work rosters and the man at the end of the line was indeed called the man at the end of the line.”
Next week: Political quotations of the year.
Coming soon: Songs with double negatives in the title, such as “Never gonna not dance again,” by P!nk.
Your suggestions please, and ideas for future Top 10s, to me on Twitter, or by email to top10@independent.co.uk
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