I am shocked by Theresa May’s fall from grace – who could have predicted that years of Tory rule would lead to chaos?

Let’s not forget her brief moments of triumph. For instance, with a new cabinet minister being appointed every week, May is working wonders for employment statistics

Theresa May leaves Number 10 Downing Street to hold a meeting with European business leaders (Getty)

It is likely that 2017 is a year that Prime Minister Theresa May would rather forget. As her premiership slowly disintegrates like a choc ice left out in the sun on a hot summer’s day, all that talk of “stability” and “crushing the saboteurs” feels like a distant memory.

Personally I am shocked by May’s impending doom, because she has always shown such integrity. You mean to tell me that a Home Secretary who sent LGBT+ asylum seekers back to violently homophobic countries and advised them to “act straight” isn’t the kind of leader that “global Britain” needs? Who could have predicted that bribing the DUP with £1bn, after telling public sector workers who haven’t had a pay rise in eight years that there’s “no magic money tree”, wouldn’t go down well?

May has always stood up in the face of injustice. When she condemned the National Trust for axing an Easter egg hunt, but stayed silent when Donald Trump took two days to distance himself from white supremacists, it was clear she had her priorities straight. When she didn’t announce any policies for the first two weeks of her general election campaign, then announced her support for lifting the ban on fox hunting, it showed she really understood the electorate.

But somewhere in between holding hands with the orange overlord himself and failing to meet survivors of the Grenfell Tower fire on her first visit to the site, May’s approval rating began to plummet. Gone are the days when Tory MPs called her “mummy”. Now they openly tell journalists how much they all “f*cking hate” her. Chancellor Phillip Hammond, one of the many ministers she is too weak to sack, reportedly can’t stand to be in the same room as her. Even Ruth Davidson, one of May’s biggest supporters, could only muster “she’s the best Prime Minister we’ve got” as words of support.

The only saving grace is that at least this isn’t a particularly important time in our nation’s history. There aren’t many crucial decisions that need to be made or anything. If you say “no deal is better than a bad deal” enough then it’ll eventually come true. I’ve always thought the single market and the customs union are pretty overrated anyway, who needs ‘em? If International Trade Secretary Liam Fox, who had to resign as Defence Secretary in 2011 for sneaking a friend into Government meetings without clearance, says that Brexit is “the easiest thing in human history”, then I have no reason not to believe him. Besides, when I exchanged £100 pounds to get 107€ this summer, it really felt like we’d taken back control already.

But let’s not forget the brief moments of triumph. For instance, with a new cabinet minister being appointed every week, May is working wonders for employment statistics. In fact, in a revolutionary new scheme, she is even letting people appoint themselves to prominent positions without any relevant qualifications, like her new Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson. Last week over 20,000 people watched a live feed of Priti Patel’s plane journey home to resign as International Development Secretary, so May might have finally convinced someone that airport expansion is a good idea.

As her government becomes a never-ending episode of The Apprentice, it is good to see that Michael Gove and Boris Johnson are stepping up to the plate. They have always had the interests of Britain at heart. Gove’s attempt to slide the knife out of Boris’s back by further endangering Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe’s liberty is just the kind of thinking we need.

Today former cabinet minister Nicky Morgan has called May “tone-deaf and tin-eared”, while 40 of her own MPs are reportedly preparing to call for her resignation. With this many Tories lining up to criticise their leader, they look more like the opposition than a credible government.

Yet despite the vultures circling and the hailstorm of negative news, Maybot clings on to short-circuit another day. When she first stood on the steps of Downing Street as Prime Minister, few could have predicted that May would be “just about managing” to hold her government together so early on. As the Tories wait for a viable successor to emerge, May remains one scandal away from oblivion. Trapped in office but no longer in power.

But it could be worse. At least we didn’t let Ed Miliband and his bacon sandwich anywhere near Downing Street. Now that would have been chaos.