Banning kids from using smartphones? Yeah, right!

Children thrive when given responsibility, writes mum of three Fiona Scott. Taking away their phones won’t just expose them to more danger – it will impact their self-esteem

‘Parents are making a ‘pact’ to encourage smartphone bans – and I couldn’t disagree more with it in principle’ (AP)

The debate around kids and smartphones has been rumbling on for about as long as they have been in existence. But this so-called Smartphone Free Childhood “pact” currently gaining momentum online – with campaigners urging education secretary Bridget Phillipson to take action to curb the use of smartphones in schools – has particularly irked me.

Not only would a ban be arbitrary, it would be completely hypocritical – not to mention near impossible to implement and police.

Whether we like to admit it or not, smartphones are an integral part of our lives, and have been for at least the past decade. Although many of us did not grow up with mobiles – much less the internet and social media – our kids have. And so to take away this privilege would be, for many, quite stark and unsettling.

It also implies a lack of trust. Children thrive when they are given responsibilities and shown they are trusted by adults. Studies have demonstrated that entrusting children as young as four with various tasks and privileges not only improves their confidence and self-esteem, but also their academic and social skills, and general life satisfaction. So why can’t we apply that same logic to certain rites of passage, such as owning a front door key, having later curfews or, indeed, having a smartphone?

Of course I don’t think that children should be allowed to scroll on their phones all day, distracting them from their studies and preventing them from being present. But as a parent to three children (the youngest now 17 and at college), I firmly believe that having access to a phone is essential.

Ensuring I can contact my child is paramount. My kids had their first phones when they were in Year 6, just before they went up to secondary school. I did not call them during the day – nor did they call me. But it was reassuring for both parties to know that it was there in case of an emergency.

The leap a child makes when they go from primary to secondary school is huge, and one major change they face is their commute. For some, it could be the first time they’re going to and from school by themselves; for others it could involve a much longer walk, cycle or bus ride.

In an ideal world, we wouldn’t have to worry about their safety – but sadly that’s not reality. Being able to check in, that they are where they are meant to be and that they can reach us should anything happen is game-changing, and provides much-needed peace of mind. This was especially true for me when my two daughters were growing up – and I can only imagine how parents of children with special needs, allergies and/or health conditions feel.

Now, I know many people would argue that having phones opens children up to a range of other dangers – not least when it comes to engaging with strangers online or the mental health impacts of social media. But I truly believe that, if taught how to use a mobile responsibly and warned of potential dangers, children will make the right decisions.

There will also be those who argue that having smartphones creates unnecessary tension between peers. But just as there’s potential for kids to fall out or feel hard done by if they have a Samsung and their pals have iPhones, there is the potential for them to clash over just about everything. Rightly or wrongly, there is always evidence of this disparity. It’s just life.

What’s more, it should not be on teachers to enforce these restrictions. They already face various obstacles on a regular basis – not to mention schools are understaffed and underfunded.

Bans have the potential to create daily arguments between teachers and pupils (two of my teacher friends have confirmed as much), they require a lot more admin and place a significant amount of pressure on staff when it comes to keeping expensive handsets secure. In practice, this would be a nightmare for all involved and would create a bizarre, draconian atmosphere.

Nor do I believe it is up to educators to teach our children about phone etiquette; the responsibility falls squarely on parents’ shoulders.

Many parents are guilty themselves of being on their phones too much – so it stands to reason kids emulate this behaviour. This “pact” itself is doing the rounds online and many parents are forming WhatsApp groups to discuss the “issue”, which, frankly, says it all.

If we really want our children to be on their phones less and become less reliant on social media, we need to lead by example and enforce clear rules.

In my household, we don’t allow phones to be present at the dinner table. Instead, we talk to one another. We also impress the importance of family time, and have at least one activity – such as a movie night or a walk – a week where our phones are away. And even if our son uses his phone as an alarm, we ask him to plug it in over the other side of the room, so he can have a full night’s sleep.

At most, I think schools can and should outline expectations at the start of the new school year. In the same way they have written rules around uniforms and code of conduct, they should inform parents and students what the rules are around phones – perhaps even in the form of a written contract.

Ultimately, a smartphone ban won’t solve anything; it will just create avoidable drama and will be far less comforting for parents and children.