If we care about more than just male pleasure, we should give teenage girls vibrators

People's objection to the suggestion is about more than just sex toys – it’s an example of the way women’s orgasms just aren't discussed, while cis, straight male pleasure is held up on a pedestal like some kind of god-given gift

Young girls aren't stupid – they have access to the internet, they'll work out how to masturbate whether we tell them how to or not (Rex)

A woman with possibly the world’s greatest job title – “chief pleasure officer” – at a sex tech company has suggested that teenage girls should be given vibrators. Apparently this is a very controversial idea.

It’s telling that Stephanie Alys came up with the idea when she herself was technically a teenager, at the age of 18 – kind of proving the point that this is something that people just a few years younger than her might actually want. But of course instead of being accepted, the claim has sparked a massive debate – should we give young women vibrators, or should we carry on pretending that masturbation doesn't exist every time we encounter a teenager?

One tweeter branded an article in The Sun interviewing Stephanie “the most stupidest thing I’ve read in my life”, while another responded to the article by eloquently stating: “#eww #ewwha #nestea”.

Some people are pulling their hair out over the thought that young girls might enjoy a wank every once in a while. God forbid we should accept that young women feel pleasure – and even actively participate in supporting young women to do so. I can’t think of anything worse to be honest. Next thing we’ll be telling young women that it’s okay to have orgasms. #ewwewweww

This is about more than just vibrators – it’s an example of the way women’s pleasure just isn’t discussed, while cis, straight male pleasure is held up on a pedestal like some kind of god-given gift. According to a 2017 study by the Archives of Sexual Behaviour, straight (and I’m assuming cis) men orgasm 95 per cent of the time during sex. This is compared to a whole host of studies out there, that are suggesting the majority of women only orgasm about 20 per cent to a third of the time when having penetrative sex with men.

Of course this is only natural, and couldn’t possibly be because of society’s stigma towards female pleasure, right? Definitely not.

Interestingly, lesbian women orgasm during sex much more frequently – 86 per cent of the time. Now there’s an argument for political lesbianism if I ever saw one. But seriously, it raises some interesting questions about what we as a society expect from heterosexual women – and how little we regard women’s pleasure.

Given the context, it’s unsurprising that the backlash against the vibrator idea seems to mostly stem from a deep seated discomfort at even the thought of young women exploring their sexual preferences.

But seriously, what do people believe? That if we don’t give girls vibrators they’ll simply never use them? That if we don’t ever say the word “vibrator” teen girls will never learn of their existence? Maybe if we don’t talk to young girls about sexual pleasure they’ll just never know what wanking is at all. And then women will never masturbate and never have orgasms. And then vibrators will go out of fashion and the whole vibrator industry will collapse and we’ll never hear of them again, not even as relics in museums, because female pleasure will be erased from history, of course.

Now I don’t know about you, but when I was a teenager things didn’t really work like that. I had stumbled across this thing called the internet and on it there was something called Google, and on that I searched up things about sex that my teachers didn’t tell me in school and they didn’t mention on the telly. Like where can I find my clit, is it one hole or two, is scissoring a thing, and if so how do I do that with my girlfriend (I can confirm that it is, in fact, a thing).

When I was a teenager (even a pre-teen) masturbation also didn’t really work like that. I was lying in bed one night, I must have been maybe ten or eleven – maybe even younger, the details are a bit of a blur – and I just touched my vagina differently to how I usually did, and I just wanked. And that was it – no adult came along waving a vibrator in my face, you’ll be shocked to know. It just kind of happened. Because we’re animals, and it generally just kind of does. Funny, that.

But back to the matter at hand – why it seems so controversial to some people that many teen girls might actually quite enjoy having a vibrator. We Brits are, after all, pretty big prudes – add to that a healthy dose of misogyny and you have yourself a society that rarely talks about sex, and when it does, looks at it through the male gaze.

Take porn as an example – it’s pretty much always catered towards men. Even “lesbian porn” that should have absolutely nothing to do with men whatsoever. But somehow society always seems to make everything about straight men – including lesbians, including sex, including orgasms.

Of course, a vibrator isn’t for everyone – some people love them, some people hate them, but it’s important that we all have the option to explore our own sexualities, whether that be with toys or fingers. It’s better that than using a marker pen like I once did – not exactly the most sanitary option. The cap was on, by the way – just in case you were worried about that.

This isn’t just about women. Of course, women’s pleasure is so often overlooked, but so is the pleasure of non-binary people, transgender people, intersex people. The vibrator “debate” basically asks us to step away from straight, cisgender male pleasure – and consider that other people actually masturbate too, and orgasm and have sexual preferences and lives. It’s about all people of all genders being given the option to explore their sexual orientation – which is something we’ve shied away from for far too long.

There’s no point in giving teenagers vibrators if they’re taught to be ashamed of them and hide them away at the back of the wardrobe. But this could be the perfect opportunity to start a conversation about sex, pleasure and preference, so maybe the next generation might be a bit less prudish than we are, and a bit more knowledgeable about their own sexualities.