Rock 'n' roll was the new sliced bread
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Your support makes all the difference.I have had a huge response to my piece yesterday in which I discussed whether food was or was not the new rock 'n' roll. Well, "huge" is perhaps the wrong word, but I have received enough letters, e-mail and abusive phone calls to fill today's column, and that after all is the main thing. Thank you, one and all!
From General Sir John Keats (no relation)
Sir,
You say that food could only be the new rock 'n' roll if chefs actually got up on stage and performed. But they do! This Gary Rhodes fellow is actually going on tour in theatres, and he is actually going to get up on stage and perform, and the man is obviously going to use cooking to satisfy his urge to become a star, and strut the boards, and people are actually going to pay good money to sit in a theatre and watch a man cook an omelette! I know I am, because I think little Gary is a sweetie.
yours etc
From Jill Archer (no relation)
Sir,
What did people say before we had rock 'n' roll and thus couldn't say that anything was the new rock 'n' roll?
It's the same question as, what did people say before we had sliced bread? I mean, when there were crazes for things like yo-yos or marathon dancing or poetry readings or skiffle music, what did people say? That it was the new ragtime? Or the new Bauhaus? And what did they call rock 'n' roll when it arrived ? Did they call it the best thing since sliced bread?
yours etc
From Walter Wainright (no relation)
Sir,
I think I can answer the question contained in the last letter. When rock 'n' roll arrived, they called it the best attempt yet devised to steal the American black man's music (rhythm 'n' blues) and sell a simplified dumb-assed version to an undiscriminating white audience. It was not in fact unlike sliced bread. Sliced bread is a thin, unnutritious, pre-packed white version of the real thing and so is rock 'n' roll.
yours etc
From Katie Mindset
Sir,
What does Walter Wainwright mean when he says, "No Relation"?
yours etc
From Walter Wainwright
Sir,
Exactly what it says. I have no children and no immediate family and no surviving relatives. While I am back again, may I just point out that there has long been a connection between rock 'n' roll and cooking? Linda McCartney, for one. And I once read a book about Elvis Presley's cooking. Believe me, it was revolting. I didn't eat for three days afterwards. But I understand now what killed him. Incidentally, talking about killing, can we now openly refer to O J Simpson as a killer? Or is that still libellous? On the other hand if he is now a proven killer, would it be libellous to refer to him as innocent?
yours etc
From Dr Septimus Wheen
Sir,
The interesting thing about O J Simpson is that it was the murder of his wife which made him famous. Oh, all right, so people in America knew who he was, but out here in the civilised world, where no one plays American football and few care about it, he was unknown, a situation which his acting was never going to change. Nobody over here knew who he was until he was arrested for murder. Which leads me to ask the following vital question: "Is murder the new rock 'n' roll?".
Think about it. There is a new and frenzied interest in murder. One need think only of the girl who claimed that her fiance had been killed by a stranger in a fit of road rage, and who is now suspected of it herself. And there was the mysterious death in Kent this week of a man who had gone round to the home of the Avon lady. And they have just started a stage revival of Kind Hearts and Coronets, which is the first comedy about a serial killer. And there is some sort of centenary going on for Henry VIII, who was also a serial killer, so it all seems to fit together ...
yours etc
I think we had better stop right there.
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