I’ve had a stalker – which is why I support the Independent’s Brick by Brick campaign
Former defence secretary Penny Mordaunt says being stalked gave her a chilling insight into what it must be like to be the victim of domestic violence
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Your support makes all the difference.When I was a member of parliament, I worked with many domestic abuse organisations and service providers. That all changed earlier this year when, for the first time, I went to the other side of the counter. I became a client.
Over the years, I have had my share of death threats. Although I took each one seriously, they were easier to metabolise than what has happened to me and my staff over the past year.
For legal reasons, I can’t go into details, but I had a stalker.
It changed the way I went about my everyday business. It also cost the public purse. It occupied hours of staff’s time. They were deeply negatively affected by it.
In my community, the team that provides services to those suffering from stalkers is the same one that deals with domestic abuse victims. To help ensure both my physical safety and to provide support and reassurance to my team, they had a long checklist of questions. How do we keep each other safe? How do we protect vulnerable people in our surgery? Does my car have a tracker on it? Do my neighbours need to be told? Did I feel okay going to the corner shop? Did I feel safe in the office? Were my staff coping?
It’s hard to answer about how safe you feel when a stalker can show up literally anywhere, anytime. But there was one question to which I could always reply in the affirmative: Do you feel safe in your home? I did; I still do.
Whatever I might have to deal with outside my front door, I had sanctuary. Unfortunately, though, so many families dealing with and escaping domestic abuse have no such place.
My experience was horrible – but I cannot imagine how much worse they would have been without a place they could retreat to and feel completely protected.
Everyone needs a secure and safe home, children especially. I know from working with many people fleeing domestic abuse that there are an enormous number of obstacles that tie them to an abusive partner. Having an alternative place to be and the means to achieve it, is fundamental and foundational. If any of the victims of abuse have more complex needs, a disability or a large family, alternative accommodation is almost impossible to find. Many are put off by the idea of living in shared accommodation – or, if they have teenage boys, find that no refuge is able to take them.
That’s why I am supporting The Independent’s Brick by Brick campaign.
The appeal will enable a home to be built to support such families. As well as managing the property, the domestic abuse charity Refuge will provide wraparound support, just like a traditional facility.
Refuge is the largest specialist domestic abuse organisation in the UK. On any given day, its services support thousands of survivors, helping them to overcome the physical, emotional, financial and logistical impacts of abuse to rebuild their lives, free from fear.
This home would provide a stepping stone to a new life. It also provides a new model of philanthropy for those who wish to help. We need more of these sanctuaries in every part of the UK.
Refuge has someone call for help every two minutes. It estimates that one in four women will be affected by these issues at some point in their lives. Despite my experiences of stalking, I cannot imagine how drained and desperate it must feel to have nowhere safe to be. Once you have that, so many other things become possible. Your health improves. You can start to think about the future. Your energies and faculties can be channelled into something life-improving, as opposed to simply surviving.
Once built, this home will help many families, for decades to come. I believe it will also provide a legacy for similar projects to spring up across the country. Your donation will be the gift that keeps on giving. It will help banish fear from thousands of young lives.
I was lucky. I had a place to go. Most don’t. That’s why we need to make this happen.
Please donate now to the Brick by Brick campaign, launched by The Independent and charity Refuge, to help raise £300,000 to build a safe space for women where they can escape domestic abuse, rebuild their lives and make new futures.
Be a brick, buy a brick and donate here – or text BRICK to 70560 to donate £15.
Rape Crisis offers support for those affected by rape and sexual abuse. You can call them on 0808 802 9999 in England and Wales, 0808 801 0302 in Scotland, and 0800 0246 991 in Northern Ireland, or visit their website at www.rapecrisis.org.uk. If you are in the US, you can call Rainn on 800-656-HOPE (4673).