Are the Paris Olympics even more cursed than usual?

Central Paris is awash with rats, its streets all but in lockdown and its train network sabotaged by co-ordinated arson attacks. Meanwhile, its hotels remain surprisingly empty and, for tonight’s opening ceremony on the River Seine, it looks like rain. Can these Games possibly come good? Bien sûr, says Flic Everett

Lady Gaga will perform during the Paris 2024 opening ceremony – on a floating stage in the Seine (Getty Images)

As the world waves its greatest athletes off to Paris, the run-up to tonight’s opening ceremony has been dogged by crimes, controversies, cruelties and one unfinished cathedral. Then there’s the rodents, potentially washing up in waves from the city’s storm drains, if the predicted unsporting downpours materialise as the Olympics begin.

Of course, there have been other Games best forgotten – the Nazi takeover of Berlin ’36, Tokyo’s Covid-struck event, which took place a year late and without spectators, the 1996 Atlanta Olympics, at which a pipebomb killed one spectator and injured more than a hundred. But its darkest hour was, without doubt, the tragedy of Munich ’72, which saw 11 Israeli athletes murdered.

Paris 2024, we hope, will suffer none of the above. And yet in the run-up, excitement has been oddly muted. Thousands of tickets remain unreleased, entire blocks of empty seats are expected due to prices north of €900 for some medal ceremonies, and many hotels still have empty rooms – of 11.3 million Olympics visitors, only 1.5 million are predicted to be travelling to Paris from outside France.

If they can get there, that is. Just hours before the opening ceremony, France’s high-speed train lines were vandalised in a series of co-ordinated arson attacks, closing several rail routes into the capital – and causing severe disruption to upwards of a million passengers.

The team sports, already underway, have suffered a series of blows. On Wednesday, crowd problems during the first Olympic football match caused the game to be suspended for almost two hours, fans were removed from the stadium after attacks on Israeli supporters, and VAR controversially ruled out the Argentinian equaliser – a sour beginning for everyone but Morocco, who won.

Then there’s equestrian Charlotte Dujardin, who was set to compete for Team GB in the Dressage event, but who has now been banned from the sport for six months after being filmed whipping her horse during training.

This being Paris, it is also beset with infrastructural and societal issues. A 24-hour airport strike have been threatened at Orly and Roissy-Charles de Gaulle airports – just as spectators pour into the city. Performers at the opening ceremony have also held out for more cash. President Macron is distraught that the promised Notre Dame cathedral rebuild will now not be finished until December, and the Seine, which famously runs with the unmentionable, has undergone a frantic cleaning programme so the open-water and triathlon events can be held in the river.

Its suitability was tested by brave Parisian mayor Anne Hidalgo, who recently went for a tentative swim in the churning waters. Scientists warn, however, that in heavy rain, waste-water can wash into the Seine, and then, the E.coli outbreak could rival the summer Covid wave predicted thanks to 12 million unmasked people air-kissing.

On an even darker note, city officials have been accused of “ethnic cleansing” after a human rights group accused them of removing almost 13,000 homeless people and immigrants from the city ahead of the Games. As a result, the opening ceremony is expected to be dogged by protests on this and ‘green-washing’. Athletes who complained about their eco-friendly (but “anti-sex”) cardboard beds are now incensed that Grindr has geoblocked the Olympic Village, to prevent the gay hook-up app being used to out or blackmail its users.

Crime, too, is a major issue in a city previously beset by terrorism. Already, French authorities have uncovered several plots against the Games, with a Russian intelligence agent arrested for planning to “provoke hostilities”, Russian cyberattack concerns, and the arrest of an 18-year-old Chechen who planned to orchestrate a terror attack. The Australian cycling team has had their van burgled en route, while security for women has become a serious concern after the alleged gang-rape of an Australian woman in the city centre.

Perhaps it’s unsurprising that according to a poll by French Sud radio, 65 per cent of the population are indifferent to the Games, 36 per cent are “concerned” about them, and 5 per cent are actively “angry”. Parisians are fuming about the excess traffic, the fact that many Métro stations are closed, and that there are barriers dividing city streets into “grey” and “red” zones, many requiring QR entry codes – which, disabled campaigners say, is causing problems for the less mobile.

London 2012 is often held up as a beacon of success, the last time we all felt truly proud – yet in the run-up, there were protests about the Olympic site, fury over sponsors, outrage over costs, worry about empty seats, city-wide traffic jam… and the whole thing ran 76 per cent over budget. Nobody remembers that. We remember the Queen parachuting in with James Bond.

Now, it’s the turn of our beleaguered neighbours to put on a good show. I don’t want to alarm anyone, but Lady Gaga has already been spotted rehearsing on a floating piano in the middle of the Seine. Hope she packed her hand-sanitiser. Let the Games commence!