Mums shouldn’t be the only ones who get a free pass to the front of the coffee shop queue

A viral meme has suggested mums should get special treatment at coffee shops, but shouldn’t that kindness also be extended to those of us who are struggling in other ways?

Next time you are queueing for coffee or at the supermarket checkout or in the post office and you see someone at breaking point, why not let them jump ahead? (Getty)

According to a picture doing the rounds on the internet, if you were up at two in the morning covered in baby vomit, then your need for caffeine is exponentially greater than that of… well pretty much anyone else actually. But particularly the young and free from responsibility. Which obviously is precisely what you are if you’re 22 years old. I mean, you couldn’t possibly have essay deadlines looming or a night shift to recover from or caring responsibilities of your own.

Predictably, the internet hounds are already baying for blood – and possibly for the mum in question to be forced to drink Babyccinos rather than real coffee for the rest of her life – when it comes to the vast assumptions this entails. Because, let’s face it, people are mostly free to choose whether they are parents or not – and expecting special treatment because of a free choice you’ve made seems at least somewhat akin to wearing a scarf and gloves in the summer time but still insisting you should be first with the fan. And as someone without my own pint-sized “get out of queueing free” card I understand the knee-jerk outrage, I really do.

It can sometimes seem as if being a parent comes with the opportunity to jump to the front of all sorts of queues – both the literal and the metaphorical ones. If you’ve ever been the couple without children on a group holiday with those who have them, then you’ll be well used to drawing the short straw on room choices. (“Little Wilma really needs the space to run around you know – and we have to have the en suite as we're potty training Bartholomew”). My husband and I are equally reconciled to being the last to be consulted when it comes to family plans because of course “the children need to set the schedule”.

But there’s something beyond the “bloody smug, entitled mums” narrative isn’t there? Because I also have enough female friends and relatives to have grasped the idea that parenting is hard – and more than this, that its burden still falls disproportionately on women. (As if shooting aforementioned offspring out of your vagina isn't contribution enough) I mean, you probably do need an en suite more if you’re in the throws of potty training.

And given that I proudly call myself a feminist, do I get to be this dismissive about the unique challenges that women who also happen to be parents might face?

Can I really be a good feminist for instance if I resent my colleague for leaving me to deal with the late meeting because she's picking up her children? Or am I suddenly inadvertently siding with the men who have traditionally sneered at women trying to balance career and family? Is it wrong to book dinner for friends at eight, even though I know that might leave my single mum friend unable to come without a babysitter? And isn’t it just a bit mean-spirited to be rolling my eyes when parents ask for adjustments to help them continue to enjoy some sort of adult life too?

The irony is this particular meme was almost certainly tongue-in-cheek, but the way it effortlessly polarises us out into our separate camps, leaving us all ready to assume the worst about each other, is pretty worrying when you think about it.

In the red corner, the mummy blogger – firing dirty nappies and sanctimonious platitudes about the joy of creating life out of her sling, and brandishing a book on baby-led weaning as armour. In the blue corner, the child-free and chilled – morning coffee and Sunday papers in place of sword and shield, slicing through the competition with a slideshow from her recent backpacking tour of Thailand.

Obviously this is reductive nonsense. But we all need to guard against sliding into these extremist positions when we feel defensive. And pitting women against each other depending on whether or not we’ve reproduced plays literally into the hands of a patriarchy that has traditionally argued this is all we’re really good for.

So here's my suggestion – and it's a genuine one. Next time you are queueing for coffee or at the supermarket checkout or in the post office and you see someone at breaking point – whether that's an exhausted pregnant lady with a couple of toddlers already in tow, or a 20-something hyperventilating about their finals as they buy chocolate and Pro Plus, or an exhausted nurse just coming off a night shift – if you can see someone is struggling and you’ve got the time, then why not let them jump ahead?

Don’t do it because they deserve it, do it because they need it. And more importantly, because it might even be a nice thing to do.