Molly-Mae Hague may not get many things right, but pregnancy? She’s spot on

She’s correct to speak out – we should talk more about the difficulties of giving your body over to the care of someone else, and I don’t just mean the baby

Molly-Mae Hague has spoken of the difficulties she experienced in early pregnancy; saying she cried “five times a day” and that it was the “emotionally hardest period” of her entire life.

And while I wouldn’t say I generally agree with the former Love Island star-turned-influencer on... well, anything at all (most notably, of course, her classist views on privilege – the creative director of fast fashion brand PrettyLittleThing once argued that “we all have the same amount of time in the day to achieve our goals”; without even a whisper of acknowledgement for those in poverty, or the entrenched, systemic inequalities that block social mobility); when it comes to the emotional whirlwind of carrying a baby, she’s not wrong. And I’m glad she’s speaking out, while also faintly baffled as to why she’s got a platform to begin with. But here we are.

In any case, the reality TV star, who’s just 23, recently announced she was expecting her first child with her boyfriend – the boxer Tommy Fury – via a pregnancy photo shoot on Instagram (of course). We probably all do that, to be fair to her. Think of a cute and quirky way to announce our big news; rack our brains for a way to segue the personal and private with whichever public social media platform is our preference; or that feels most fitting. I did it – I remember writing on Facebook about my impending motherhood in 2011, during the searing and surreal heat of the summer earmarked by the London riots.

I did something else that Molly-Mae is doing, too. I cried and cried and cried.

As I wrote in an essay here (I even wrote a poetry book about it) motherhood is often beatified, particularly during those tender first few months. At a time when women and pregnant people are dealing with surging hormones, morning sickness and a sudden influx of worry about the far future – let alone the next nine months – you are simultaneously expected to coo over prams and buggies; to show off your blossoming baby bump beneath flowing caftan dresses and maternity wear.

You might, like I was, be feeling sick as a dog and barely able to walk upright – but you’re still “in hiding”, see; unable to admit to friends or colleagues or your boss or even loved ones how you are (how you really are). And if you’re feeling anything less than tip-top, it can feel monumental to admit you’re not okay.

That’s because, along with this elysian view of motherhood, women, despite being revered for their status – seemingly protected – are kept under strict controls: we are simply not allowed to be anything but content with our lot. To be angry with the loss of self and the struggle for identity is to be a monster; a skewed line in the patriarchal narrative that upholds the idea of “family” at all costs. In this way, mothers are the sacrificial lambs of society.

But there is a way to overturn this; to “normalise” the tricky realities of becoming a parent for the first time, and it’s achingly simple: talk about it.

And Molly-Mae does so: ”I literally just can’t explain how the shock literally overtook my body for the first month, 100 per cent,” she describes in a YouTube video entitled “My pregnancy so far”. “I just felt like every single day I was living an outer body experience, my emotions were something I’d never experienced before.

“I cried maybe five times a day for no reason. Just in tears over everything. Also just the shock for Tommy and I. It’s honestly taken up until now to sink in. Every time we talk about it, it feels like we’re talking about a situation that’s not our own because it was a complete shock, I can’t lie.

“To add into the situation, we were going through a really tricky time with Tommy and his work and fights happening then not happening, and situations being completely out of our control and me trying to emotionally support him while also being in the emotionally hardest period of my entire life.”

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She’s right to speak out – we should talk more about the difficulties of giving your body over to the care of someone else, and I don’t just mean the baby. For as soon as you are pregnant you become, quite literally, a “vessel” – your body is no longer your own.

You belong to hospital records and Big Pharma peddling pre-conception and pregnancy multivitamins that (in my case) made me sick to my stomach; you are weighed and measured and examined – sometimes painfully – and told when and where and even how to give birth. Your name goes, too; gets replaced by well-meaning, cheery midwives and health visitors addressing you only as “mum”. Strangers, who might usually keep their distance, suddenly start touching you, all of the time: in the supermarket, in a queue for the cinema, even on the street. Is it any wonder you might struggle with your sense of self and identity?

And that’s why, no matter how I may feel about Molly-Mae’s life, her work or her personally, I still praise her for speaking out about her emotions. What she is doing, for the fans who follow her every move, is legitimising being open if you’re having a hard time in early pregnancy; a time that can be full of fear and confusion – even if you are fortunate to have a healthy experience and a wanted baby (lest we forget, millions of women worldwide will go through this journey without access to safe abortions).

It’s ironic: being pregnant means that for the first time in your life, you’re never alone. When you sleep, when you eat, when you go to the toilet. Yet you can feel profoundly isolated – even frightened. It really can be the “emotionally hardest period“ of your entire life. Isn’t it worth letting people know?