There has been a significant drop in male suicides – but we still need to talk about men’s mental health

When we feel sadness, it’s more 'manly' to bury it, have a drink, grin and simply get on with it

Suicide rates among men are at their lowest for more than 30 years (iStock)

Finally, some good news. According to the ONS, male suicides in the UK have fallen to their lowest rate for more than 30 years. While this should be celebrated, I also see another statistic – men still account for three quarters of all suicides in this country.

As the stigma surrounding mental health lessens after years of campaigning, activism and openness from those who have suffered, there are definite signs of positive change in this country. Social media has played a key part in opening up the conversation, and the mass sharing of the ONS’ statistics means that the information will reach many people. As a result, men across the country, however alpha they may be, will be forced to wake up to the fact that mental health is no longer something to be ignored.

I am very close to a man who once tried take his own life. He was 25 years old, handsome, charming, popular and with an exciting career ahead of him – the world was his oyster. On the surface, things appeared fine – no one knew of the problems he faced. It was a pain he had buried deep within that led him to feel suicidal. And he was not the only one.

Back in June, the much-loved Anthony Bourdain died by suicide. He was idolised by many for his curiosity and appetite for adventure. His Instagram account showed the life of a man who lived an exhilarating and truly inspiring life. However, the outside image he portrayed did not show how he felt within. His mother is quoted as saying “he is the last person in the world I’d imagine to do something like that”.

We live in an era where it’s all about positivity, financial success, being ambitious and having a smile on your face. None of us want to be seen as a moaner, or a “downer”. That pressure is perhaps even more intense as a man – society and our ego lead us to believe that we aren’t meant to express negative emotions. When we feel sadness, it’s more “manly” to bury it, have a drink, grin and simply get on with it. The phrase “man up” springs to mind.

Buried temporarily through the numbing of drugs, alcohol or denial, men think they are being strong by not dwelling on the truth. For a long time I believed that if I didn't show the weakness I felt, I wasn't weak at all. I’d bury whatever pain I could, because the image I could present was that of a real man – a man who couldn’t be hurt. In some ways it worked – at times I did appear strong – but it was only benefitting others, not the man in the mirror. The only way to deal with the problem was to talk about it, and face it head on.

Nothing is more important in life than how we feel on the inside, and even though male suicide has reached the lowest point in the last 30 years, it is still tragic that any man feels the need to take his own life.

It’s important that we challenge the stigma surrounding mental health and start encouraging men to have more open and real conversations about how we feel. Such conversations should no longer be cast as unmanly. They are important, meaningful and to be treasured as a sign of a healthy and connected way of being.

Mental health is no longer a taboo subject and my hope is that male vulnerability can become the same.

Ben Bidwell is a trained life coach and runs a mental health blog, The Naked Professor. If you have been affected by this article, you can contact the following organisations for support:
mind.org.uk
beateatingdisorders.org.uk
nhs.uk/livewell/mentalhealth
mentalhealth.org.uk
samaritans.org