Why do we still fancy bad boys like Love Island’s Adam Collard? It’s anti-feminist

If we really want to be liberated from lazy tropes about what it means to be a woman, maybe we should be redefining what it means to be a man too

Whilst most teenage girls melted under the dangerous, smoldering stare of vampire Edward Cullen in Twilight, I was giggling into my sleeve at Ron Weasley vomiting up slugs in Harry Potter. He was gorgeous. And contrary to what I’d always been told is sexy: he was nice.

The only time I ever fancied a bad boy, I regretted it almost instantly. In the few short months I swooned over him, he managed to convince me I was stupid and loud (code for funnier than him), and that he was also, by the way, a feminist (and I probably should be too). There was also a brief steamy flirtation with my Irish optician, who was very forward and also a little blunt. But in hindsight, this fantasy was probably borne from the fact his job called for his face to be closer to mine than I’d anticipated.

Since then, I have always put nice guys on a sexy pedestal as being unattainable because either the good ones are already gone, or they are available but might not have any craic. But when you get a single nice guy who understands and can even make funny jokes, you’re laughing (literally). That is the dream.

Nothing solidified my desire for Mr Nice Guy more than when watching the Love Island women fall over themselves as Adam Collard – “is that Adam Collard?!” they blurt out, composure gone, dignity in shreds – entered the villa this week. This is a man who – yes, has a jawline that could cut a T-bone steak and the pecks of a gladiator – is arguably, as former Islander Georgia Townend put it, an “absolute menace to women”. And yet, he is now the only person ever to be allowed on the show twice. Apparently the producers couldn’t resist him, either.

I so badly wanted the Love Island women to be disgusted, like so many of us were at home, that a man accused of gaslighting and emotional abuse by Women’s Aid in the 2018 series was back for more. But they weren’t. Quite the contrary, they were delighted. And what’s worse, the producers marketed him as the “ultimate bombshell” to the whole country, like he is somehow desirable. What fiery hell are we living in? A hot one, apparently.

Because bad boys are hypermasculine, many would claim they ooze sex appeal a nice guy could only dream of possessing. There is also an argument that bad boys are sexy because they can liberate us from the socially prescribed confines of being “good girls”, which is a tempting feminist highground to walk. But since when did we need men in order to be bad b****es? And did I miss the moment when respectful, good men became unattractive?

Adam Collard aside, the problem with bad boys in general is that in addition to being “bad” by definition, they have formed their personality around a stereotype, so you can hardly be surprised if they see you as one too. So due to the nature of the bad boy’s conformity, they are most likely a sexist. And if there’s one thing that gives me the ick, it’s a sexist.

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I am just going to say it: in my mind bad boys are inherently anti-feminist. I’m not saying women shouldn’t sleep with or fancy whoever they want and I am not blaming victims of gaslighting or emotional abuse. It is never a woman’s fault for finding themselves with a rotter, it’s the rotter’s fault for being a rotter in the first place. I’m just asking the question: why do we continue to crave something that is so against us?

Perhaps a few months of the bad boy experience was enough to grant me immunity for life. If that is the case, I wish there was a vaccine for all women. But in order for feminism to work we need to get rid of all gender stereotypes, not just the ones that are harmful for women. Like yin and yang, masculinity and femininity are codependent. As are the reductive stereotypes that overshadow each.

So if we really want to be liberated from lazy tropes about what it means to be a woman, maybe we should be redefining what it means to be a man too.