Young, free – and living with my parents again in lockdown. Here’s how I’m coping

At times like this, it’s difficult to feel that I’ve progressed beyond my wistful, 16-year-old self

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So, I’m back at home with my parents, once again. I’ve become accustomed to the exact sound and pattern of their footsteps as they plod around the kitchen; and I’ve moved back into my teenage bedroom. For some people, this will either have been kept as a cringe-filled shrine to their former youth, or been converted into a desperate attempt at an office/spare room/storage space.

At times like this, it’s difficult to feel that I’ve progressed beyond my wistful, 16-year-old self, begging for freedom. Regardless of those precious, giddy years spent in questionable student house-shares or flats with a concerning amount of mould, it can feel like I’m right back where I started, on the journey to becoming an adult.

It is hard to ignore the fact that I am a fundamentally different person than I was when I last lived at home. I have my own routines, my own schedule, my own desperate desire for some level of independence.

As someone who has ridden out all three lockdowns with my parents, I can understand the frustrations, as well as the mental gymnastics we all face on a daily basis to not scream the house down about our constant desire to escape.

But I’ve learned a lot. Crucially, what these lockdowns have taught me is that setting healthy boundaries is the key to familial co-existence. Although I still long for full independence, there are certainly ways to make the everyday a lot less tedious - and a lot more harmonious.

Co-ordinate your routine to the rest of the household

Oh the days of staying up until 4am, just because I fancied it. Now, I’ll find myself woken up at 8am by the impossibly loud tones of a Zoom call ringtone. Either that, or a sibling will be frantically logging into their classes, after staying up that bit too late binge-watching Netflix.

Rather than actively fighting it, I’ve learned that it’s better to quietly submit to the demands of the household routine. It depends on your individual circumstances, but if you’re furloughed – attempting to work from home, or actively on the job search – co-ordinate your days as if you’re doing a normal workday. You could even make the most of your family’s ‘busy time’ by taking time for yourself; be it going on a walk or reading the book you’ve actively avoided all lockdown. It is as much your household as it is theirs, so try to respect the comfort of routines.

Signal your ‘busy time’

Unfortunately, we can’t all have the luxury of space, particularly not in lockdown. When you’re all crammed around the nearest desk, table or flat surface, it can be difficult to find the physical and mental space to be productive. So, the trick is to signal your ‘busy time’.

Whether it’s communicating a set time frame or putting on your headphones to block out the respective noises, I’ve found that the best way is to be honest and say to the others that I “can’t talk right now”, without anyone getting offended.

Have an independent project

As fun as it may be to have family-themed entertainment, it can all get a bit too overwhelming – fast. Outside of work, or job searching, I’ve found myself getting pleasure and satisfaction from pursuing an independent project. What’s that thing you’ve always wanted to do, but never knew where to start? What about that hobby you quietly gave up when you discovered alcohol and nights out? Sometimes the process of creating – be it an oddly-shaped handmade pot, or an inedible sourdough – can be more rewarding for you mentally, than aesthetically.

Try to be grateful

As awful as lockdown may well be, I try to be grateful for the time I’ve got with my family. Unlike flatmates, I know I’m stuck with my family for the long-term – regardless of where I’m living, so it’s worth using the time to nurture those relationships. One day, I know I will miss the frustrating idiosyncrasies I moan about during lockdown.