Letter: Society must learn to mourn
Your support helps us to tell the story
From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it's investigating the financials of Elon Musk's pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, 'The A Word', which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging.
At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story.
The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it.
Your support makes all the difference.Sir: Andrew G Marshall's "perfect compromise" over the funeral of his partner has a lot to commend it ("In loving memory, with a rock backing", 19 May). As someone involved in the conducting of funerals I would be more than happy to find next-of-kin wanting to think over the event as well and as thoroughly as he does.
He implies that Church of England funerals are not capable of being personal or relevant to the grief processes of next-of-kin. This is not so.
I strive (as I was taught) to produce a funeral service that helps people to grieve wholesomely. Among other things, this means giving thanks for the life of the person who has died. The service is indeed much more for those who live than for the one who has died (and sometimes we will have to ask whether the deceased's wishes get in the way).
I know many other clergy who strive to produce a good quality service which takes in the wishes of the family and which is flexible in the way that it responds to family needs. Our biggest difficulty in helping to do the best for families is that in this society, on the whole, we don't know how to mourn. So families and friends simply tend to want the usual because they do not know, or fear, the alternative of being more involved in "their" service.
Until we address the issues underlying our cultural denial of death, perhaps we won't be able to mourn well. Don't blame the Church of England clergy for that denial; we are only too willing to help.
The Rev ANDII BOWSHER
Bradford
Join our commenting forum
Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies
Comments