Letter: Fathers work just as hard as mothers
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Your support makes all the difference.Sir: Polly Toynbee ("Where do all the New Men go?", 2 September) castigates fathers for doing "only" half as much household work as their partners. She fails to criticise mothers for doing only half as much breadwinning as fathers, and declares that what "women with children need is a meal ticket". Children certainly need a "meal ticket" - breadwinning is one of the most important functions of parenthood - but why should this be designated the exclusive responsibility of the father?
When commuting, paid and domestic working hours are added together, fathers work much the same hours as mothers. Indeed, some studies reveal them working longer.
Where New Men go after their children's births is into the workplace to earn the cash that will fund the special relationships their partners develop with their children. This some do willingly. Many do not. Before their babies' births, expectant fathers, no less than expectant mothers, believe they can "have it all", and are no less angry and disappointed when this proves not to be the case. For even if a New Man is level-pegging with his partner career-wise before he becomes a father, he will have been promoted beyond her by the time a second child is born and with the family now dependent on his career and his salary, must accept whatever the workplace throws at him.
The transformation of fathers into secondary parents is a subtle, dispiriting and often rapid process, built from non-existent preparation for fatherhood, women's reluctance to share power, men's fears of appearing incompetent, an often actively hostile workplace, and commentators such as Ms Toynbee who inform men, erroneously, that their presence at home is of little or no importance.
ADRIENNE BURGESS
Research Fellow
Institute for Public Policy Research
London WC2
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