Letter: A heart-stirring romance of love and vitamins

Sir: I am grateful to the Independent for allowing us to read what is obviously a thinly disguised draft plot of Dame Barbara Cartland's 571st work of fiction (letter, 15 October). Reading between the lines, the plot, set in the future, will concern a young carnivorous male of unusual stature, who graduates from one of Oxford's newer colleges (door heights being too low for comfort in the more prestigious older ones) with a degree (honours) in international conformity. He sets out on a world-wide pilgrimage, to improve stature and intellect, armed solely with a secret vitamin preparation handed down from a distant relative in Transylvania.

His enterprise adds six inches to the height of the average British soldier and policeman, thus meeting the requirements of the recently signed Consensus of Maastricht 'of 2030'; the Japanese are persuaded to abandon fish in favour of meat, thus saving several marine mammalian species from extinction; health resorts are set up throughout the Indian sub-continent, thus eliminating malnutrition; and food growers and manufacturers learn how to introduce vitamins into ordinary food.

He finally slays his deadliest foe, the Beast of Salopia, before retiring from active life to become Master of Cartland College, a newly- endowed institution of learning on the banks of the Cherwell, set up to accommodate a new generation of vertically enhanced, super-intellectual scholars. Clearly Dame Barbara, in her 92nd year, has lost none of her wit and invention. I wish her many more.

Yours faithfully,

DONALD J. NAISMITH

Professor of Nutrition

and Dietetics

King's College

University of London

15 October