Yes Keir, Labour must not be ‘too giddy’ – but you won’t win by boring us to tears

Get him an interview on ‘The Last Leg’. Let him guest host ‘Have I Got News for You’. At the very least, let him tell a joke during PMQs that doesn’t sound like it was written by a committee of geography teachers

Okay everybody, try to keep calm. I know your first instinct upon hearing Keir Starmer make an announcement is to kick your heels and giggle like a schoolgirl, but he’s been very clear in a recent speech: don’t get “giddy” at the prospect of a Labour victory.

That’s right. Keir Starmer – a man who usually carries himself with all the solemnity and gravitas of the lead inspector in a critically acclaimed Scandinavian crime drama – used the word “giddy” in a speech on the eve of this weekend’s Labour conference. He later used it again, in an exclusive interview with The Observer, telling the paper: “It is not going to be giddy, it is not going to be ‘job done’. So you won’t get razzmatazz. You won’t see mistakes that have been made in the past by opposition parties.”

Yes, he said “razzmatazz” too, but let’s not get sidetracked here.

There’s something very funny about the idea of Starmer telling his supporters they need to calm down. Sure, Labour is massively ahead in the polls at the minute, with a victory at next year’s general election looking all but certain, so surely there’s a lot of enthusiasm for the party at the minute.

But “giddiness”? I’m not so sure.

Starmer isn’t exactly one to engender feelings of real, pit-of-your-stomach excitement in his supporters. That’s not necessarily an insult. Lord knows we’ve had a fair few leaders over the last decade who offer good vibes and little else.

The party’s former leader, Jeremy Corbyn, was much more of the “giddy” type. Regardless of your feelings towards the man and his politics, you can’t argue with thousands of screaming students singing his name at Glastonbury. Can you imagine people standing up at the Reading festival to sing “Oh, Keir Starmer”? It just wouldn’t work. Too few syllables, for a start.

Of course, that giddiness didn’t really translate to votes, as Corbyn found out to his party’s peril in more than one election. In 2017 Theresa May – whose idea of levity apparently began and ended at running serenely through wheat fields – took the Conservative victory, despite the apparent enthusiasm for her opponent. It was a huge win for beige.

Starmer has clearly learned his lesson: in recent months he has appeared to go to great lengths to “de-giddify” Labour policies, removing all the policies that turn on the Left but turn off the electorate. After seven years of watching the British public jump the gun on everything from Brexit to Covid to tax cuts, his platform seems to be “okay lads, calm down – let’s not get carried away”.

But after finally achieving power, he may find himself needing to reach for a little of that old “razzmatazz”, lest he open himself up to a fired-up opposition with nothing to lose. The UK will certainly want a break from the non-stop political roller coaster of the past decade or so, but after we stop feeling queasy and take a quick water break, we’re going to want to hop right back on.

Tony Blair – who Starmer seems determined to emulate – understood the value of balancing pragmatism with a dash of excitement. Tony Blair performed the same ruthless political surgery as Starmer before the 1997 election, hauling his reluctant party to the centre ground – but he managed to do so without being a total charisma vacuum.

His landslide victory was met with “giddiness” from the general public, and with good reason – a tired and corrupt Tory party had been kicked out by a leader who offered hope and vision. Sure, the enthusiasm waned eventually – nothing lasts forever – but he had a better run than most.

Starmer has got this far with his all-killer, no-filler approach to politics – but a year is a long time, and he may find that some of his more fair-weather supporters grow tired with his never-ending “adults in the room” schtick. He may get by for now, by surrounding himself with slightly more bubbly personalities like Wes Streeting and Angela Rayner, but eventually he’ll need to add a little colour to his grey little world.

Get him an interview on The Last Leg. Let him guest host Have I Got News for You. At the very least, let him tell a joke during PMQs that doesn’t sound like it was written by a committee of geography teachers.

In the meantime, I don’t think Starmer needs to worry about his supporters getting too “giddy”. If anything, he needs to worry about them staying awake.