By robbing us of a bank holiday, Charles is off to a bad start as King

I think the saddest thing about this whole situation (other than the usual fact that we live in a country governed by the divine right of kings) is that it’s made me realise just how much those extra days off really mean to me

Every now and then, this country likes to throw a big party out of nowhere to celebrate the fact that the royal family exists. Sometimes it’s because two people I’ve never heard of are getting married, sometimes it’s because an old person turned a round number, and sometimes it’s just because.

I’m no monarchist, but I’m also not a masochist, so I’ll usually take these events in my stride for one reason and one reason only: they usually get me out of work for an extra 24 hours. With another big party on the horizon, I started getting myself geared up for another unexpected lazy day in the Coogan household, before I was given the bad news: we probably aren’t getting a day off for this one.

Buckingham Palace has announced that the coronation of King Charles III will be held on Saturday 6 May 2023. That means that, while the UK was given two extra bank holidays in 2022 – one for the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee celebrations in June, and another for the day of the Queen’s funeral in September – it is unlikely that we’re going to be given a bank holiday for the King’s coronation.

If there’s one sure-fire way to bring a nation together, regardless of each individual’s views on the issues of class and monarchy, it’s this: you let them get drunk on a Sunday. You take away the Sunday scaries and replace them with me, four pints deep, making deep and emotional connections in the smoking area. You give them a sneaky little extra day off that they weren’t expecting, turning a five-day grind into a four-day cruise.

Also, if there’s one sure-fire way to make a nation mad at you, it’s to mess with their weekend. It’s bad enough that we won’t get a day off, but also, you’re going to have your coronation on a Saturday? Sorry your majesty, but that’s Ryan time. You think I don’t have better things to do on a Saturday than watch some rich guy I’ll never meet try on a new hat? I have a rich and active social life to attend to (well… Lord of the Rings movies to marathon).

I’m going to level with you: I probably wasn’t going to watch the coronation anyway. The concept of a monarchy is an obscenity at the best of times, never mind when the economy is on fire and most of us are having to think extra hard about whether or not we can afford to heat our homes. But that medicine goes down a whole lot easier when it comes with a little bit of sugar.

If you’re going to entrench society in a system that treats people like chattel, never allowed to rise above their station, held down in order to lift up millionaires who believe their wealth is their right by not only accident of birth, but by the divine will of the Lord our God, then maybe we deserve a little treat? A cheeky little day off? No? Toil it is then.

There are a couple of little upsides to this whole situation. The King has already gone on the record to say that he wants his coronation to be more low-key than the average fair: it’s been reported that the number of guests is expected to drop from 8,000 to around 2,000, and that the running time is expected to be cut from three hours to one hour. So it’s some comfort to know that instead of the usual heart-stoppingly extravagant show of wealth, we’ll only be getting a sort-of extravagant show of wealth instead. A mild arrhythmia at worst.

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I think the saddest thing about this whole situation (other than the usual fact that we live in a country governed by the divine right of kings) is that it’s made me realise just how much those extra days off really mean to me.

I’m not workshy; writing these sarcastic little essays takes a lot out of you, thank you very much. I even like my job. But I give a third of my time to it. More, if you consider the fact that I have to factor things like rest and travel into my personal time. I spend so much of my life working, and that isn’t set to end any time soon.

The problem isn’t that we aren’t getting an extra day off; it’s that an extra day off feels like such a big thing when we do get one. Our toxic work culture is something that we definitely need to address – especially when the money we’re paid for that work ends up being stretched further and further – but it’s also a little troubling that the people who made these decisions didn’t realise that the extra little respite that a bank holiday brings can go such a long way. To deny that to people when you have the choice isn’t just tone-deaf; it’s sort of cruel.

It isn’t the biggest deal in the world, but on Monday 8 May 2023, think about what could have been. Think about how you could have been sitting in your garden reading a book, or sleeping in until 1pm. Think about how much that little extra personal time really means to you when the chips are down. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just call in sick that day.