Even when he’s a bad husband, Doug Emhoff is good

When news broke that Emhoff had reportedly had an affair during his first marriage, things took a surprising turn

(POOL/AFP via Getty Images)

Since President Joe Biden withdrew from the upcoming presidential election and Vice President Kamala Harris announced her candidacy, an unsuspecting dark horse has emerged as a beloved staple of the 2024 presidential race.

No, it’s not Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg, who gifts the Harris campaign with viral mic drop after viral mic drop every time a Republican dares to challenge him on silly things like facts, statistics and reality.

And it’s not newly announced Harris running-mate and Minnesota governor Tim Walz, who appropriately ditched the “when they go low we go high” doomed mantra of 2016 and rightfully labeled the MAGA GOP weird AF.

It’s Harris’ husband, Second Gentleman Doug Emhoff.

Harris’ spouse has put on a masterclass in what a supportive partnership entails. And while the bar for straight white men is in hell’s basement, Emhoff certainly embodies the antithesis of the Republican Party’s overall treatment of and disdain for working women — especially working women who make no apologies about vying for positions of power.

At a time when straight women are fed up with dating mediocre men hogtied by the pressures of toxic masculinity, the Second Gentleman is showing boyfriends, husbands, and wannabe partners the way, the truth, and the golden retriever spouse light. That much was made clear when he joined her at her rally on Tuesday night, flying in on Air Force Two to support her — and crucially not saying a word during the event.

Emhoff’s wife-admiring ways are nothing new — the father-of-two has been consistently vocal when it comes to supporting his spouse’s political ambitions. A January interview with Esquire perfectly sums up how he views his job as the husband of a powerful, determined woman.

“She’s the Vice President of the United States, first woman to ever hold this role, and I’m her husband. So, how can I be a better husband?” he said at the time. “How can I help her get through her day so she can do her job, which is 24/7, 365? A lot of what she does is public, but a lot of what she does is also very hard work behind the scenes.

“So, again, it’s, ‘How can I be helpful to her, make her day easier, take things off her plate around the house so she can fulfill these intense duties that she has?’”

While what Emhoff is describing is the bare minimum of what any supportive partner should do, it is also depressingly rare in a society still shaped by sexism and outdated gender roles. Despite more women working outside the home than ever before, they are still shouldering the majority of household and childcare responsibilities, including laundry, cleaning and meal preparation.

Studies also show that women provide more emotional support both inside and outside the home, despite their own mental and emotional needs and various responsibilities.

Emhoff—who is impressive in his own right as an experienced lawyer and distinguished visiting professor at Georgetown University Law Center—understands the assignment. If his cheerleader-like social media presence is as authentic as it appears, he not only takes no issue with standing behind his more successful, more influential wife—he enjoys it. He doesn’t consider it an affront to his manhood or an assault on his virility, but a privilege and an honor.

Such an example is a stark contrast to the Republican presidential ticket, helmed by two men who spend an inordinate amount of time attacking women—particularly women who value their freedom, careers, financial independence, and a life that does not solely revolve around raising offspring.

He doesn’t berate women who either by choice or circumstance do not have any biological children, unlike wannabe vice president J.D. Vance. He doesn’t consider childless women to be “sad, lonely, and pathetic,” but instead correctly labels such sexist nonsense as “stupid” and “uninformed.” 

He doesn’t believe that his wife or women like her should “feel like her life is inadequate,” like Vance believes, or that a politician like his wife should “go to war against” childless people, like Vance has promised Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump will.

“When someone like that deigns to come on the national stage and run for one of the highest offices in the land, it’s such a clown,” Emhoff responded. “...And now he’s been exposed. And the whole world is laughing at him and Donald Trump.”

Perhaps more importantly, unlike his wife’s political rivals Emhoff has used his platform—one he enjoys as a result of his wife’s career—to champion abortion access. In one Instagram post, the Second Gentleman called the end of Roe v Wade an “assault on women’s reproductive rights and our democracy,” adding that it is “wrong, it’s immortal, and it’s on all of us to stand up and defend our freedoms.”

Abortion is just a woman’s issue? “I think not,” says Emhoff (and any straight man who wants to and honestly deserves to get laid).

Even the way Emhoff handles his faults is to be admired. Recently, he acknowledged an affair that reportedly ended his first marriage, after becoming the target of right-wing conspiracy theorist Mark Mendlovitz.

“During my first marriage, Kerstin and I went through some tough times on account of my actions,” he said in an exclusive statement to CNN. “I took responsibility, and in the three years since, we worked through things as a family and have come out stronger on the other side.”

A man who takes responsibility for his misgivings and doesn’t—oh, I don’t know—deny them profusely despite all damning evidence to the contrary while sending out hush money? In this economy?!

Look, as a sentient woman living in the United States, I am well aware that a white straight 59-year-old man who is not threatened by his wife’s power, is enthusiastically supportive as if he’s part of a group of drunk college girls talking each other up in a bar bathroom, who loves his blended family and advocates for abortion access can seem too good to be true. When it comes to white men—who overwhelmingly voted for Trump in both the 2016 and 2020 elections—the glass is half-empty.

So don’t just take my word for it. Instead, listen to his ex—the undeniable truth-teller when it comes to truly learning about a man.

“He is a great father to our kids, continues to be a great friend to me and I am really proud of the warm and supportive blended family Doug, Kamala and I have built together,” Kerstin Emhoff said in a statement on Saturday.

Gentlemen: Can your ex say that about you? If not, just ask yourself: “What Would Dougie Do?”