Please stop telling parents to ‘cherish every moment’ and ‘enjoy making memories’

Not all parents like the school holidays – some of us are simply trying to survive them

‘Who knows of a parent who actually cherishes every single moment of parenthood?’ (Getty Images/iStockphoto)

As we approach week five of the English school holidays, for some parents “school holiday fatigue” is well and truly setting in.

The kids have begun (or not stopped in some cases) bickering, and the relentlessness of trying to keep them occupied, fed and watered twenty-one billion hours a day – that’s exactly how long a school holiday day can feel by the way – is taking its toll.

Whether you are a working parent or you are a stay-at-home parent, the school holidays are often some of the longest and hardest weeks in the world of parenting.

No, not all parents like the school holidays. Not because they don’t like spending copious amounts of time with their kids, but because for some, the lack of structure, the change to routine, the cost and the pressure to ensure that the kids have a great time is all a bit much – not made any better by the constant reminders to “cherish every moment” and to “enjoy making memories” that are splashed across social media.

These taglines – so commonly found on places like Instagram – are perhaps meant to help keep parenting positive. As a parenting expert, and a parent myself, I do agree with trying to parent positively; but these kinds of statements only pile on more pressure to parents who are already feeling the strain – and who are striving to keep up with the ideology of what parenthood should be like.

Being told to “enjoy making memories” feels like an extra thing to have to think about; another chore – and it also makes you think about the past before you have even arrived at the future. How about living in the moment? Not worrying if that moment appears in your child’s memory, or yours either?

We do seem to like thinking about the past – and we are constantly worrying about the future – but seldom do we focus on just being in the here and now.

And while you may have had some amazing days out, been on a lovely holiday (or just stayed at home), it is simply not possible to enjoy making every memory, during the school holidays, or throughout life in general – so we should take that pressure off.

What I’ve learnt from more than 20 years of working with children and families is that for our kids, “making memories” isn’t always about what we (their parents) do for them. Being allowed to make their own memories is just as important. For parents, this means that it is okay to take a step back from the planning and organising – and give the kids time to be bored and to think for themselves.

It is also unrealistic to think that we can “cherish every moment”. No, we shouldn’t take our children for granted, and yes, we should be grateful for having them, but who knows of a parent who actually cherishes every single moment of parenthood?

It isn’t possible – so to be told to do so, when you know you are really not, just punches you with a huge dose of parent guilt even harder in the gut. It makes you question what you are doing wrong – and can even make you think that you are failing. And that doesn’t help anyone.

At the end of the day, taglines about cherishing your kids may be well intended – they are a reminder that our children grow up fast, that we will not get these times again – but they shouldn’t make us feel bad. Should we feel bad that the memories we make are not all enjoyable? Not at all. Should we stop using these taglines? Absolutely.

Kirsty Ketley is a parenting and early years consultant