I was absolutely delighted when my parents split up – a parent is always at their best when they are free

Is a functional, cohesive household really conducive to a healthy environment for children to live in?

‘Yes, you do have duties as parents, but it’s not to be a role model for unhappiness’ (Getty Images)

Over the last couple of weeks, the public has been given front-row seats to watch two high-profile political marital breakdowns. But amidst the tittle-tattle and schadenfreude, there has been a steady undercurrent of concern for the children of both parties.

One Twitter user asked us to, “remember there are children involved. They will be extremely distressed.” This is, of course, a welcome and considerate response. And certainly, children can find their parents’ divorce challenging. Perhaps some are utterly distraught. But I can only speak for myself when I say that I was delighted – no, positively jubilant – when mine decided to call it a day.

No matter how enlightened or “woke” we have become, a functional, cohesive household is still viewed as a healthy environment for children to live in. In this system, a mother’s role is to bestow her supposed innate love and comfort. The father’s task is to impart discipline and strength, rather like the yin to her yang.

Indeed, the moment a child arrives, a romantic relationship alters due to the heavy sense of duty involved. Both players’ needs and desires become secondary to the demands of their primary concern. Any thought or action of individualistic impulse is instantly met with: but how will this affect the children? Of course, being a parent is a gift, but it is also a job (and at times, a bloody hard one).

Sadly, we often forget that children are perceptive and observant creatures who are all too aware when mum and dad are unhappy. Their minds are yet to absorb societies norms and values so therefore do not equate unhappiness to failure. And they are certainly astute enough to detect a rising bad atmosphere within the household. In truth, there is no better lie detector than a child who is adept at whiffing out matrimonial misery.

When my mum and dad were happy, life was brilliant. When my mum and dad were sad, life was tough. Like many, they gave it their best shot, but during their second act, they drifted apart. Their personalities and souls were growing in different directions. For a long time, they applied unnecessary pressure on themselves for my sake. When their relationship had quite clearly run its course, they would part and then resume. It was as if they were reading a book they were not enjoying but felt compelled to complete.

When they announced they were splitting up I would be absolutely thrilled, and when they announced they were getting back together I was completely miserable. I commend their dedication but I found the prolonging of the inevitable outcome heartbreaking for them.

Divorces for heterosexual couples have risen by 18.4 per cent, according to the Office for National Statistics, and social stigma regarding matrimonial separation has lessened to a certain extent. But, there will no doubt be a considerable number of people who feel obliged to stay in loveless partnerships because they fear that the impact of divorce on their children would be too great. Little do they know that little Charlie upstairs is secretly wishing every night before bed that mum and dad would throw in the towel and call it a day.

A parent is always at their best when they are free and content. Naturally, this often occurs within a marriage, but sometimes it can only truly materialise when one is single. It’s always worth reminding yourself that life is no dress rehearsal and your children will, at some point, leave the nest to forge a life of their own – it is never too late to think about your happiness and wellbeing.

In my experience, I found that when my parents divorced, they connected with me on a much more meaningful level. My father and I have seen every single film from a specific period between 1997-2000 when, presumably, he wasn’t able to think of a more imaginative day-out. But it was wonderful. We realised that we both shared a passion for cinema, a passion that we had never discussed prior to his and my mother’s split.

My mother and I would go on adventures. Her edges were softer and some of my best memories are of sitting in her room, watching her make herself beautiful before a date and helping her choose an appropriate outfit. Ultimately, when my parents decided to focus on themselves, they were more able to focus on me.

Sometimes relationships naturally run their course. Occasionally it isn’t felt by both parties. And often there are things that tie us together forever, this case in point being children. Yes, you do have duties as parents, but it’s not to be a role model for unhappiness.

Children should be shown how to live purposefully, honestly and confidently, not how to settle into some dreary performance. Your children will appreciate you for it in the long run.