I'm sick of the super-PC referendum debates where you can't offend anyone - let's get real about immigration

If, during Spain v Turkey at the Euros, the commentator had said, “That cross is cut out by the goalkeeper, who’s probably a commander of Isis and if the EU get their way will be living in Stoke by the end of the week, claiming it’s his human right to fire rocket-propelled grenades at your pot plants”, he’d have the PC brigade claiming this was “racist”

(PA)

Now this referendum debate is over, can we at last, for once, dare to talk about immigration?

Because the trouble with this country recently is we’re so over-sensitive about the subject that some days we only discuss immigration for 19 or at most 24 hours. There are whole weather reports in which it’s hardly mentioned at all. Whereas if we weren’t so touchy they’d go, “Low pressure is drifting in from the East along with hordes of so-called refugees paddling across the Mediterranean on stilts so they can come here and spoil our parks by looking at our trees and I for one have had ENOUGH. So we should expect scattered showers across Hampshire, clearing up by the afternoon.”

We’re now so concerned with not being “offensive” that if, during Spain v Turkey at the Euros, the commentator had said, “That cross is cut out by the goalkeeper, who’s probably a commander of Isis and if the EU get their way will be living in Stoke by the end of the week, claiming it’s his human right to fire rocket-propelled grenades at your pot plants”, he’d have the PC brigade claiming this was “racist”.

This may be why, although most of us will be sad that this joyous referendum has come to an end, and millions will join Referendum Re-enactment Societies so we can do it all again every couple of weeks, we can perhaps take comfort in the likelihood that in many ways it’s only just started. Because - and this may be a wild and random prediction - the demands to “get our country back” and stop “floods of immigrants” might just carry on.

You never know, but if you’ve galvanised millions of people who feel like that, and assured them it’s getting worse because “1.5 million Turks are set to swarm here”, and unveiled billboards showing huge lines of immigrants bringing the country to “breaking point”, your supporters might carry on being mildly cross even after the vote.

This isn’t to say Nigel Farage or the Daily Mail can in any way be blamed for anything unpleasant or violent that happens in society, as they’re always careful to use only responsible hatred, and entirely legal ignorance.

There even seems to be a new slogan to add to the campaign, which is “It’s all right for you elite in London”. This is the argument that Londoners don’t mind immigration so much, because they don’t know what it’s like to have lots of immigrants, as London is the place with the most immigrants.

On the other hand, if you live in a place with very few immigrants, it’s only natural that you’re sick of immigrants. If Nigel Farage was smart he’d set up a branch of Ukip on an ice cap in Greenland; one speech moaning about the number of Somalians moving in and upsetting the huskies, and he’d win the whole country over.

In any case, we all know the elite fiddle statistics. If you count the numbers properly, as Ukip always do, you see that even in the small Shropshire market town of Wem, there are 1,502,002 immigrants, made up of the 1.5 million from that Daily Mail headline, 2,000 on Farage’s poster, and the Indian couple that runs the Star of India opposite the Post Office.

With or without Farage, the outcome of the referendum might be a permanent force, similar to the Tea Party in America, demanding we “get our country back” – one that appeals to the many people who are clearly very angry.

Some of these may be justified in being cross, as they battle insecurity and poverty, though it’s possible their rage is flying in the wrong direction. For example, it would take several boatloads of Poles and Turks to even try to waltz away with as much as Philip Green, ex-head of BHS. “I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK” might make more sense if directed at him, as he took £400m out of the country in dividends from BHS, paid to his wife who conveniently can pay no tax on it as she lives in Monaco.

It’s possible he is taking the country one bit at a time, and soon five million people will have to move to Lincolnshire, as the Midlands will be recategorised as inside Monaco and renamed Mrs Green.

But the angry poor aren’t leading this crusade. Instead it’s fronted by the strangely embittered, who have the least to be angry about. Farage himself, Boris Johnson and an array of the privileged snarl and grimace at the sheer injustice of their predicament. Toby Young backed Leave on the final debate, a man who seems to scream, “LOOK, I am wealthy for no apparent reason and on TV all day and yet I’m courted by politicians despite having done nothing of any discernible value and it’s NOT FAIR and I’m SICK OF IT.”

But at least we’ve modernised the voting process with some refreshing new rules, such as making it acceptable to say someone supports your campaign without having to bother checking whether they do or not.

For example, the Leave campaign were able to state proudly they were backed by footballer John Barnes, but under the old outdated rules they might have had to take notice of the fact he supported the Remain side. This is exactly the sort of red tape they were trying to get scrapped, so at least they’ve managed that.

I found all of this highly persuasive, which is why I voted Remain. I just hope that if you daub “Mister Cameron, this is in no way an endorsement of you or anything you stand for” at the bottom of the ballot paper in pig’s blood, they still count your vote.