Where are all the men horrified by Gisele Pelicot’s rape trial?

Men must speak out and challenge each other, says Daniel Reast – it’s the least we can do

Gisele Pelicot leaves the court in Avignon, France (EPA)

Gisèle Pelicot’s story is traumatic, extreme, and yet another example of men and their unfair, ingrained social power over women – her experience should be another moment when society says “enough is enough”.

And yet there is a group of people desperately distant from the urgent activism: men themselves.

Pelicot’s powerful testimony to a courtroom about her male attackers should be persuasive enough to reveal to men the gross injustice and deep-rooted unfairness at the heart of our patriarchal society.

It is now on men – all men – to speak out. The harrowing descriptions of a woman being drugged and raped cannot be ignored or passed off as an indefensible extreme which requires no vocal response. Silent disapproval or disgust is not enough.

It doesn’t matter that for men, the threat of sexual violence is not as regular an occurrence, as intrinsically felt or as widely experienced – they should still realise they need to shout as loudly as women have been about this case (and the plethora of others that occur daily).

I say this as a victim of rape myself. Yet I would still never try to compare my own experience with the historical, deeply entrenched inequality which forces women to stay silent and feel ashamed.

Pelicot has inspired me. She is demonstrating that it’s possible to tap into a sense of shared solidarity between victims, who find liberation from years of silence. Witnessing her defiance is both empowering and enraging – and builds on the MeToo movement.

But it’s tough. Fighting for change requires superhuman strength and tenacity. And society doesn’t back these women up – it only reinforces the existing systems of inequality.

Pelicot has challenged this herself: “It’s not for us to have shame – it’s for them.” She is a hero.

Thousands of women have amplified her message on social media, yet solidarity for women’s rights is not commonly expressed by men. Centuries of institutional misogyny are to blame for that. It has taken just as long for men to realise the meaning of consent.

And if you’re wondering why we need to keep pushing; why we need men to be part of the vanguard against gender-based sexual violence, consider this: because without men adding their voices to calls for change, the kind of language and views which lead (sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly) to sexual violence will never be challenged.

Just look at those accused of raping Pelicot: they are husbands, sons, brothers; grandfathers, plumbers, train drivers and retirees. “Everyday” men, the kind we all know.

Men speaking out against men who commit acts of sexual violence is therefore an act of liberation – and it could spark a social justice movement with the potential to weave a groundbreaking new moral tapestry for change.

It took me years to put my experience of sexual violence into words. It was unthinkably difficult to translate what I’d experienced into a factual description of how it all happened; what I felt like in the moment – and the aftermath.

Everyone’s experience is unique and founded on different emotions. It is a myth that all survivors will display the same feelings when they choose (or are forced) to confront their victimhood. No one person is “typical”.

For me personally, I had cried so much and masked the physical signs of my experience that it needed a forensic, top-down approach to help me understand what I’d been through. I felt that same sense of shame that Gisèle Pelicot rightly challenges.

I recognised after years of shutting the memories away that this experience could not be put to the back of my mind. It was important for my sense of identity to admit that yes: I am a victim.

So, if we want to encourage men to become emotionally aware, considerate people – instead of the emotionless pillars society pressures them to be – we have to start openly challenging sexist behaviours.

We must teach men to dispel rape myths and understand that the majority of sexual crimes are committed by close friends and family, not the “lone attacker”. We must crack down on the harmful, divisive rhetoric of the likes of Andrew Tate.

Through social change, I believe we can inspire actual change. And we should call this an “act of liberty” – freeing men from the shackles of misogyny and helping them rebel against toxic masculinity, fear and inequality.

As inspirational as Pelicot’s invincible spirit is, it’s not enough, alone. It can’t be. And so, I put out this call to arms for men to speak now and be liberated. Who’s with me?