I was almost forced into marriage – here's why the government's crackdown is missing the mark

To eliminate forced marriage we have to understand what really drives parents to abuse their own children

Forced marriage is an awful crime, and Operation Limelight – the unprecedented fightback led this week in airports by the police and border force in the peak Summer holiday period – is long overdue. There is no excuse for this evil that destroys the lives of thousands of young Brits each year.

Forced marriage a huge problem that disproportionately affects children. According to the government’s Forced Marriage Unit, one third of victims are under 18. Men are not exempt either, accounting for a quarter of victims of forced marriage. This crime is becoming more common (or at least more commonly reported), with UK cases increasing by a fifth since 2011.

Though Operation Limelight is not enough. To eliminate forced marriage, we will have to understand what really drives these parents to abuse their own children.

For many of parents, forced marriage is a last resort when they fear their child won't find a spouse in the UK. I should know, because it’s what almost happened to me. As I grew older and remained single, my mother started to pressure me into "doing the right thing" and marrying a family friend or distant relative in Pakistan. Some of my friends in similar situations caved in, or even convinced themselves that marrying someone they didn’t love was the best course of action.

My solution was different: I started a Muslim matrimonial site and within months I met my wife online. If more young Brits had that route open to them, we would hugely reduce the problem.

But not everyone is so fortunate.

The first step in understanding forced marriage is to clearly know what it isn’t. It definitely is not arranged marriage, where friends, family, work colleagues or even strangers act as matchmakers for those looking for a partner. It is precisely the lack of these extended social networks – a kind of human matchmaking algorithm – that has motivated some conservative parents to put undue pressure on their children to get married.

This can range from subtle social pressure, to outright coercion or, in extreme cases, kidnapping.

It is also important that we mention Islam. Since the government’s announcement of Operation Limelight yesterday, some far-right outlets have sought to tie the religion to the cultural practices of some of its adherents. This neglects the fact that where forced marriage is a problem. For example, in South Asia and parts of Africa, forced marriage is widespread among adherents of different faiths.

Contrary to some popular perceptions, Islam has been explicitly opposed to forced marriage for its entire 1400 year history. Mutual consent is a condition of nikah, an Islamic marriage contract, and the bride is free to stipulate any conditions she sees fit in terms of her future married life.

At the same time, it is undoubtedly true that many of the Brits committing this crime are Muslims, and may even invoke religious inspiration or justification for their actions. A majority of British victims are in families that hail from Pakistan or Bangladesh – countries that are almost entirely Muslim.

As Islam spread around the world, its ethical guidelines – like consent to marriage – wrestled with a range of cultural practices. Most of the time, regressive cultural norms were brought into line with the faith, but sometimes they survived in spite of clear Islamic principles.

So if it isn’t religion that is driving British parents to forced marriage, what is?

Culturally conservative parents in particular are keen for their children to maintain tradition, and fear their children will rebel against their upbringing by embracing the casual dating that many of their peers engage in throughout adolescence and beyond.

There needs to be a third way between overly controlled and hyper-traditional matchmaking on the one hand, and casual dating on the other. Both of which have little to offer many Brits. Until we fully develop that, the tragic consequences of forced relationships will continue to be a problem for us all - in this country, and abroad.

Only through having honest conversations, and realising that there are as many ways to find love as there are people, will we make things better for our children.

Adeem Younis is a Muslim relationship expert and founder of SingleMuslim.com