Like Helen Mirren, I hate being called ‘feisty’ – can’t women stand their ground without being labelled?

When a bloke asks for a pay rise, or objects to a way he is being treated, he is just, well, a bloke. Women who do the same are ‘feisty’

Helen Mirren is the cool girl in school that everyone wants to be friends with. She is so cool that she wouldn’t be in the official “cool kids” gang. As every geek and nerd (hello!) will know, the official “cool kids” are not cool at all and must be avoided at all costs.

On the BBC’s The One Show this week, Mirren interrupted the interview with Alex Scott, who described her characters as “feisty”, to tell her that she did not like the word “feisty” because she found it insulting. She did so with such politeness and charm that I’m amazed cartoon blue tits weren’t fluttering about her head, then resting on her finger.

Her point was that it was a term only ever used to describe women. (This is not strictly true, because I’ve also heard it to describe Yorkshire terriers, but I digress...)

Feisty means “up for a fight” but it’s frequently used to describe any woman who is assertive. “Oh she’s a feisty one, that one! See how she vocalised her objection to being pushed around? Knows what she wants? Yeah, you wanna watch her! Very feisty indeed!”

It’s meant as a compliment, of course, yet feels demeaning. Can women say what they need to say, stand their ground without being given a label? When a bloke asks for a pay rise, or objects to a way he is being treated, they are just, well, a bloke. They are expected to do so.

“Feisty” has been used to describe me over the years too. But I don’t even think I am assertive. In many circumstances I’d rather fake my own death than have any kind of confrontation. I am, however, a comedian and that in itself is considered a “feisty” move for a woman, something which takes “a lot of balls”. See? Testicles are seen as brave and strong and when we women are seen to be brave we are bestowed with imaginary ones.

I know some will scoff and roll their eyes as it’s “only language after all”, but language used to describe us can shape how we see ourselves. Standing up for yourself shouldn’t be labelled as a personality trait.

It’s not the first time Mirren has put an interviewer straight like this. In a Parkinson interview in 1975, Michael Parkinson introduced her as the “sex queen” of the Royal Shakespeare Company. After he brought her on to the stage, he questioned her about her boobies. He called them “equipment” (which is even worse than calling them “boobies”) and asked her if they distracted from her performance.

We are conditioned to be nice, we women, even when someone is being a numpty and especially when that numpty is a man. Somewhere along the line, we women are taught that protecting a man’s ego is paramount. If he says something off-colour, smile, roll your eyes and say “what’s he like!’’ if a work colleague cracks a lame joke, do a little nervous laugh so he doesn’t feel bad about his terrible humour. God forbid a bloke feel silly. If you have a good idea, make him feel like it was his. If you don’t do these things, you are “feisty”.

Things aren’t a picnic for men either in all of this. Actually listening to and engaging with a woman they have no desire to copulate with isn’t always seen as “manly”. In the Eighties, in my secondary school, boys who had female friends that they weren’t pretending to have sex with were called “poofters”. Boys hung out with boys and talking to girls meant you were either a wuss or a “lad” depending on your intentions. This inevitably carries on through to adulthood.

In the same 1975 interview, with Mirren, Parkinson brought up the fact that she did not agree to pose nude for Playboy magazine. She flatly told him that she found Playboy “disgusting” because it was “just money, a book of money and attitude to money”. Poor Parky was taken aback by an attractive young woman making the discussion about capitalism rather than her body.

She was a lot gentler on Alex Scott of course. There was no ill intent, Scott was merely using language that is considered empowering to women and was sweetly corrected with the charm of a woman who absolutely understands that a woman speaking her mind should not be remarkable.