The faith of my partner has never been important to me – until now

I’m not fussed about my partner’s beliefs, but if I settle down with a non-Muslim it will create huge rifts in my family

I don’t think asking someone if they’d consider converting to Islam for me is a great start to a first date (Getty/iStock)

I was a bit of a late bloomer when it came to relationships and dating. I wasn’t exactly an “it girl” at school, and I only started experimenting with boys in my late teens.

In London, where I grew up, I came from a semi-strict Muslim-Somali family and therefore I found it easier to date freely once I had moved out to my university town.

During these years, I only cared about someone’s height (as a 5ft 9in woman I didn’t date below 6ft 2in), if they went to the gym, and if they were mildly interesting. The absolute last thing I was concerned about was their religion.

I created my own little dating universe, where I would have these secret, clandestine romances. This is because I knew, deep down, that I couldn’t introduce any of the boys I was with (and they were boys at this age) to my mother, because they weren’t Muslim.

This was difficult for me to confront, so I simply ignored it. I would reason with myself that I didn’t have a marriage proposal from any of these transient romances yet, and so why would I go through the rigmarole and headache of introducing my non-Muslim boyfriend to my loving, but ultimately religious, mother?

Of course, things get difficult when they would make noises about introducing me to their family, and the fact I was keeping them a “secret” almost always became a point of contention.

There was one guitar-playing, tousled-haired boy who was almost too sweet, and we ended it because I couldn’t introduce him to my family, and understandably he couldn’t deal with that.

I think, deep down, I knew that these relationships wouldn’t last. I also knew that at the tender age of 21 I was hardly going to settle down, so I didn’t care about my partner’s faith – or lack thereof.

Now, as I get older, whether or not my partner shares the same religion as me is becoming increasingly important. I, personally, am not fussed about their beliefs, but I know that if the man I choose to settle down with is not Muslim, it will create rifts between my immediate and extended family.

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While this is something I have always known, I worry about it more now. My worst fears are no one turning up on my wedding day, my future kids not having a connection to their mother’s side of the family, and losing the special relationship I have with my mother.

It is a lot to take in, and it means there is more to consider when someone asks you out for a drink. Asking someone, “Excuse me, but would you consider converting to Islam for me?” is hardly a good line for a first date.

Nonetheless, I have to put myself first by dating freely and on my terms – and of course, we can’t choose who we fall in love with, much less their religion.