I’m a survivor of domestic abuse – here’s why the government’s emergency alert poses a threat

My abuser prevented me from using a phone, and I know that if he’d ever caught me using a secret phone, there would have been severe repercussions

Today, the government will test its new emergency alert system, sending a loud siren-like noise to all phones in the UK, including those that are on silent. My abuser prevented me from having control over my own technological devices, including my iPhone, so I’m really worried about the possible risk these alerts present to survivors like me; those survivors that may have a phone hidden from their perpetrator “just in case”.

Concealed phones are common for survivors, as many perpetrators monitor devices so that they can manipulate and coercively control their partner or ex-partner. My abuser synced my iPhone to his so that he could monitor all my calls and texts, both incoming and outgoing – my phone was not my own. He also installed spyware on my phone and hid the icon, so for a long time I didn’t even know it was there.

As well as preventing me from using my phone, he was physically violent. He would burn my skin with his cigarettes when he said I’d “done something to deserve it”; he was manipulative and financially controlling. He didn’t like the fact that I was close with my family, and would try to stop me from seeing them.

He would say he was “jealous”, but I know this was a means to isolate and control me. He stopped me from seeing friends and going out, even to the bar next to work. If I even looked at a man, I knew there would be consequences.

This abuse continued and escalated long after we split up. He was tracking my location and still had remote access to my phone, and was monitoring every single communication I had and every move I made, though I wasn’t fully aware of the extent of this at the time. I was still under surveillance, even though we’d separated.

I moved house numerous times, but still he knew where I was. When I became pregnant, he found out as he was still monitoring my phone. He made threats to me and the baby, and tracked me down and acted on those threats. I miscarried and ended up with broken bones, and had to get my jaw rewired. It was after this incident that I became aware of the extent of his surveillance of me via technology. My mum signposted me to the domestic abuse charity Refuge, and I went into a refuge.

He was charged and sentenced, but there were many other instances where he was stalking me and my family, and when I reported this to the police, they failed to take it seriously. My location and safety were continually compromised, and I lived in fear. It felt like the onus was on me to change my identity, disguise myself, and do constant safety checks for myself and my family.

I never had a concealed phone because that wasn’t possible for me, but I definitely would have had one if I’d believed I could keep it concealed from him. My abuser prevented me from using a phone independently, and I know that if he’d ever caught me using a secret phone, there would have been severe repercussions. I once borrowed a phone to call my mum on her birthday, and he physically attacked me afterwards.

I know too well that for women who are living with abusers and have concealed phones, these devices can be a lifeline for them. They may be planning to flee, or speaking to domestic abuse organisations such as Refuge, or they might even just have a secret phone because their perpetrator, like mine, prevents them from speaking to their friends or family on their main device. A secret phone is vital if you need to call for help, but I worry about the risk if you’re trying to keep that phone hidden and this national emergency alert means it is discovered.

Living with an abuser, you don’t know what will set them off; it’s like walking through a minefield. I understand the system is important for national safety, but for women experiencing abuse, the risk of a secret device being uncovered could be a matter of life and death.

Refuge have issued guidance on how to turn off the emergency alerts for any survivors concerned about their welfare who may have concealed phones

The national domestic abuse helpline offers support for women on 0808 2000 247, or you can visit the Refuge website. There is a dedicated men’s advice line on 0808 8010 327. Those in the US can call the domestic violence hotline on 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Other international helplines can be found via www.befrienders.org