Rejoice! EasyJet has solved the cost of living crisis

For the few privileged souls who can take 28 consecutive days off work in one go, don’t have any caring responsibilities and can afford to give the best part of a grand in disposable income to the budget airline, that is

As if the UK couldn’t get any more bonkers, easyJet, that bastion of budget travel, has come up with the ultimate life hack. Don’t bother with Martin Lewis – he’s so September 2022 – if the cost of living is too much to bear, then help is at hand from everyone’s favourite orange airline.

Yes, that’s right, turn your pasty, skint faces to easyJet, who’re offering a 28 day all-inclusive package holiday to Egypt for only £650 – cheaper than staying in the UK! Well, it would be cheaper than staying in the UK if only it also covered the at-home expenses you’ll still have to fork out for while spending the extra on a month’s holiday.

I mean, it’s a nice marketing idea and I can see why easyJet have put it out there as a faux-solution to the current financial crisis, but it’s unlikely to come as much comfort – or use – to anyone with responsibilities, like the vast majority of people in the UK. After all, it’s not really an option to bin off your job, your family and spend an extra £650 on a holiday in the sun.

At least, while you ponder the lonely destitution that awaits on your return to our fair isles, you can sip your small bottled (local brands only – see the small print for exclusions) beer from your sun lounger and look forward to the evening buffet of a wide variety of dishes that all taste the same.

Bye, kids! Bye, elderly relatives! Bye bye, job that I hate but that allows me and my family to eat and be housed! I’m off, Shirley Valentine style, to find my authentic self on an easyJet all-inclusive.

Because money is just a concept, right? Money can’t buy you happiness. Didn’t someone once say that money can’t even buy you love? And all the other guff millionaires come out with to make the rest of us feel better about scraping through each month, trying to dodge the direct debits as they come pinging back at us.

It’s okay, though, because our new prime minister knows what it’s like to watch the bills come in with a sickening dread. He knows what it’s like to use a duvet as a dressing gown because you daren’t put on the heating. He knows what it’s like to stop washing your hair for fear of using too much water. That lad, he knows how to budget, use a contactless card – and he’s compassionate to those living in deprived areas, where there’ll be even more cuts to essential resources and services that have already been stripped to the bone.

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Oh, wait… no. I don’t mean the outlandishly wealthy Rishi Sunak, thought to be worth £730m, who doesn’t actually know any working-class people and bragged to Tory activists in Tunbridge Wells about channelling money away from poorer urban areas to give to more afluent places (although he defended his remarks, saying he was making the point that “deprivation exists right across our country”).

What I meant to say is that it’s an absolute s***show and I can see why anyone would find the prospect of escape from the relentless horror of the UK’s political landscape appealing.

But no, despite it all, easyJet haven’t thought this one through. Unless they’re covering childcare, respite care, lost salary, and a couple of new bikinis and some non-streaky fake tan, then their escape from the drudgery of the cost of living crisis is just not a plausible idea.

Then again, for the few privileged souls who can take 28 consecutive days off work in one go, don’t have any caring responsibilities and can afford to give the best part of a grand in disposable income to easyJet (don’t forget to set some money aside for baggage, hand luggage, in-flight drinks and snacks… after all, budget airlines are well known for their fair extra costs and fees) – it’s a winner.