David Cameron: Gay pride? Of course I have gay pride!

I was the first centre-right leader in the world to take the initiative and pass gay marriage, writes David Cameron. It is one of the achievements of which I am proudest

It was only through long conversations with colleagues, friends and my wife Samantha that I became convinced that denying gay couples the ability to get married made them feel like their love for one another counted for less than straight couples’ (WPA ROTA)

It was a familiar scene. The London register office. The guests in all their finery. The groom, looking nervous, relaxing and beaming the minute he looked into the eyes of his betrothed.

What made this wedding different to so many I had attended before, though, was that the happy couple, a minister from my government and his long-standing partner, were to be pronounced “husband and husband”. I’ll never forget the laughter and the tears – mine included – as they exchanged their vows and began their new life together.

Rewind 10 years and a scenario like this seemed impossible. I was prime minister, driving forward a bill that would allow gay people to get married. The opposition was fierce, from the Church, sections of the press, a number of party members (one even tore up their membership card in front of me), and from some of the MPs I was hoping would help to turn the bill into law.

People assume now that equal marriage was inevitable, that the bill sailed through Parliament without difficulty. It’s true that the majorities in favour were ultimately large ones (the House of Commons voted in favour by 400 to 175!). But the antipathy from so many quarters really did make me think on several occasions that we would have to drop it.

But I kept on pushing. Why? Partly because I had something of a convert’s zeal myself. I wasn’t the first Conservative to come out for gay marriage. I could always see the practical arguments in favour of gay people being allowed to wed. But I also thought that civil partnerships covered most of those things. Surely that legal recognition was enough?

It was only through long conversations with colleagues, friends and my wife, Samantha, that I became convinced that denying gay couples the ability to get married made them feel like their love for one another counted for less than straight couples’. It wasn’t just about symbolism – they wanted to show commitment to one another in the same way as heterosexual couples. It mattered to them, and it should therefore matter to us as a society.

What surprises people is that I did this from the right of British politics. In fact, I was the first centre-right leader in the world to take the initiative and pass gay marriage. That put us ahead of many countries led by “progressive” politicians. I’ll never forget being at a White House reception with Obama shortly after our bill passed. One of his most prominent supporters joked with me that I had to persuade him to go for it. I joked, “So, you want this Conservative to persuade that Democrat to legalise gay marriage?” In 2015 America followed our lead. Every year, more and more countries follow suit.

Yet I never saw the policy as being at odds with my Conservatism. As I put it during a speech to our party conference, I don’t support equal marriage despite being a Conservative – I support gay marriage because I’m a Conservative. Marriage is a great institution – a bond of commitment, the backbone of society, part of the original welfare state. It’s what I have with Samantha, and I want that opportunity for everyone else (modern Conservatism, after all, is about just that – spreading opportunity).

It’s an opportunity many people have taken up – more than 268,000 couples by the time of the 2021 census (far outstripping the number of civil partnerships, which clearly were not “enough”). It has quickly become the norm. My children, who were very young when the bill passed but are teenagers now, are so used to having friends of different sexualities that they wouldn’t think twice if a woman introduced her wife or a man introduced his husband. I am so proud they are growing up in a country where they are able to be who they want to be and share their lives with whoever they love. It is another reason to be proud to be British.

And pride is really the word I think of when I reflect upon a decade of gay marriage. As a former politician, people often stop you in the street. Mostly, it’s positive. And gay marriage comes up more than most other subjects. People tell me about their own gay marriage or their son’s or daughter’s nuptials. About how proud they were to see them standing in front of their friends and family, making their vows.

Some had been waiting a long time for that moment, they say, and the Covid postponements made some have to wait even longer. I say how proud I am, too, to have been able to deliver something that has meant so much to so many people. It is one of the achievements of which I am proudest (I usually make a joke about my “gay pride”). As with many things, it was tough, but it was worth the fight.