Am I dreaming – or was that really David Cameron, back at No 10?

Yes, that David Cameron. David actual Cameron. As the ex-PM roars back to the very top table of British politics, Tom Peck presumes this must make sense to someone somewhere, but wonders: who can it possibly be?

The former prime minister made a dramatic return to frontline politics as Rishi Sunak tried to reset his government before the general election expected next year (PA Wire)

Can I just check? Did that happen on everyone else’s telly, too? It wasn’t just mine, was it? On which the gates of Downing Street opened, and out from a navy people carrier popped the country’s now brand new foreign secretary David Cameron?

Even as I type these words, I am tempted to jump sideways in the air to see if my legs don’t move and I’ve actually just awoken into a dream. You know the kind. You wake up, you go downstairs, you put the kettle on, you go through the full 90-minute war to get the kids out the door, and just as you’re leaving, you go to switch off the telly and your heart just sinks, because there’s David Cameron being made foreign secretary, so you know none of it can possibly be real and in a minute you’ll wake up for real and have to do it all over again.

Except, it’s four hours later now and, as far as you’re aware, you’re still in the dream. And not just that, but you’re typing out a needlessly elaborate and lengthy introduction just to delay the fact that, quite possibly for the first time ever, you simply haven’t got a single clue what to say.