If people spent as long scrutinising Brexit as they have Danny Dyer, we might know what’s actually going on

If you're comparing Danny Dyer to Donald Trump, the problem might not be Danny Dyer, it might not even be Donald Trump, it might very well be you

If you’re not familiar with the Facebook sensation turned business empire “Jim’ll Paint it” then frankly you should be.

Its originator, identity still unknown, solicits requests from the public for utterly bizarre, often minor-celebrity based pictures, then picks his favourites and draws them on 1980s desktop publishing software Microsoft Paint, with utterly hilarious results.

The most recent granted request is thus:

Dear Jim,

Please can you paint a classic Star Trek starship bridge with Stephen Hawking sitting in the Captain’s chair whilst the other positions are occupied by Marie Curie, Albert Einstein, George Washington Carver, Galileo Galilei and Dorothy Hodgkin.

It is a huge success because surrealist madness with a generous pour of low rent celebrity is the guaranteed comedic winner of our times, and it is for this reason more than any of the others which we will shortly get on to that Danny Dyer suddenly finds himself talked of as the spokesperson for a bewildered nation.

Dear Jim,

Please can you paint Danny Dyer calling David Cameron a twat not once but twice on live TV while Pamela Anderson and Jeremy Corbyn shake their heads, Amir Khan and Harry Redknapp slink into their chairs, Ed Balls giggles and David Ginola stares into the middle distance wondering whether the post-England match analysis gig his agent said yes to has in fact involved him slipping down a rabbit hole and into an alternate universe.

An instant classic, I’m sure you’ll agree. Personally, I didn’t watch the show, so it has taken several hundred viewings of an explosively brilliant 36 second long viral video clip to piece all that together.

(I didn’t watch it because Piers Morgan was on it. That’s Piers Morgan who, to take but one example of many, relentlessly harassed Ariana Grande on social media for “not doing enough” in the immediate days after a bomb had gone off at her concert and her fans had been murdered.

That is as despicable as anything Alex Jones or any American alt-right wingnut has ever done, and quite how he is considered an acceptable face for any mainstream broadcaster is truly a mystery. That he does not exist in a place well below the nation’s contempt is testament only to the cowardice of other people.)

Naturally, of course, first came the laughter, then came the backlash: “Danny Dyer is a hero...Danny Dyer spoke for the nation.”

Danny Dyer didn’t really do any of those things. Danny Dyer cast some opinions that do not bear much scrutiny in his own magnificent lexicon, involving “that twat David Cameron” “scuttling off to Nice, with his trotters up” and leaving the rest of us to puzzle over the “mad riddle” of what exactly Brexit is, a question the answer to which “no one knows.”

Everyone laughed and then some people got angry. It was the people’s decision not David Cameron’s. How can you hold David Cameron to account for the decision of the people.

Danny Dyer calling David Cameron a twat is the coarsening of public discourse, and the now collectors item classic, Remainers don’t like it when Trump is rude and abusive but when Danny Dyer does it it’s great, to which the answer is: YES.

Because Danny Dyer is an actor from Eastenders with an amusing turn of phrase, and Donald Trump is President of the United States, intent on bringing down the west with either a trade war or a nuclear one, whichever is the easiest to start on Twitter.

And it also turns out, shock horror, Danny Dyer voted leave! He voted leave! Have some of that Remainers, he voted leave!

And he voted leave for some stupid reason outlined in The Telegraph last year, which is that it was to make politicians “get off their arses and do something!”

So he has never been hiding the fact that he doesn’t have a clue what any of it’s about, that it’s a mad riddle no one understands, and frankly the decision should never have been handed over to him, and frankly David Cameron should have known better.

And lastly, for the avoidance of all doubt, Danny Dyer calling David Cameron a twat on live TV and a nation falling about laughing is not evidence of the decline of public political discourse.

The evidence of the decline of public political discourse is the nation’s political commentators spending a full 24 hours arguing about Danny Dyer calling David Cameron a twat on live TV.

You should all, quite frankly, know better, and, yes, so should I.

Dear Jim’ll Paint It,

Draw every political journalist in Britain, hammering into his laptop about Danny Dyer calling David Cameron a twat, while the economic future of the country is set on fire by a small clique of shameless degenerate politicians and alt-right Youtubers and Piers Morgan chuckles behind a desk and pretends the viewing figures are millions higher than they really were.

Actually, on the other hand, don’t.