Boris Johnson needs a lesson in the basics of coronavirus communication – but the daily briefings are a start

We need our leaders to explain precisely how we slow the spread of the virus

To borrow a phrase, why is everyone so useless? Not the scientists, obviously, but the communications people and the politicians who are supposed to be: Explaining what is going on with coronavirus; telling us what to do about it; getting on with the job of containing/delaying it. They aren’t doing that yet, and it is turning a crisis into a disaster.

If Britain is supposed to be going on a wartime footing, inspired by the spirit of Dunkirk, El Alamein and the Blitz...well just say we’re at the phoney war stage at best. The nation has certainly not yet found its Churchill, despite the impersonator currently residing in Number 10. Looking more haunted than defiant, and more knackered than the septuagenarian Churchill ever did in his finest hour, Boris Johnson is not emulating his great hero in uniting the nation, stiffening its sinews and unleashing a mighty call to fight coronavirus the streets, on the landing grounds, because - “we shall never surrender”.

Actually that would be a bit silly in the case of a rapidly transmissible virus with no vaccine available, but you take my point. The nation has not yet found its voice, and Matt Hancock’s increasingly nervous tone suggests that’s because our leaders don’t quite know what to say, or how to say it.

What we need now is some comms basics. At last we are promised a daily press conference with all the experts – but that should include the chief executive of the NHS, Simon Stevens, the secretary for state for health and social care and, on a rolling basis, the devolved equivalents of the prime minister, the chief medical officer and chief scientific adviser (where appropriate). We inhabit a tiny collection of islands with complete freedom of movement. Thus, we cannot have on as is now happening, have the Sottish executive telling people not to go to “mass gatherings” and the British/English prime minister telling them it is OK for now. What is a Scottish devotee of Glastonbury supposed to do?

Daily press conferences with time for plenty of questions are not, though, enough. They are useless if they are undermined by mixed messages, whether via shadowy figures in Downing Street or publicly by devolved administrations (ie Nicola Sturgeon) doing their own thing. It makes a mockery of an integrated action plan. So: No leaks; no friendly chats to The Spectator; no off message or any other briefings; and above all no more articles by Matt Hancock to specific news outlets. That is not the way to reach a mass audience or get the whole of the media on side. We are past the stage of doing favours for areas of the press (and the childish boycott of the BBC Today programme is now over).

Second, the government needs to recognise no one much understands geometric progression (or its variants), behavioural science, virology, immunology, epidemiology or any other trending -ology. We’d like some simple graphics showing is what’s happens. When the experts say that, for example, closing borders doesn’t make much difference it would be nice to see something showing exactly that’s so, and how the virus will spread.

We need our leaders to explain precisely how we “flatten the curve” and slow the spread of the virus.

In terms of our personal responsibilities, we want simple social media messages, TV spots, and newspaper ads and sponsored web pages telling us exactly what to do and not do. Why don’t those clever people on the Brexit campaigns invent a few? Travellers on the London Underground and the national rail network have had “See it, Say it, Sort it” repeated incessantly for years; the same ought to go for, as the old slogan went, “coughs and sneezes spread diseases”.

We need extensive Q and As, answering questions from people who feel bewildered about visiting an elderly or vulnerable relative - and what to if they cannot. Maybe we could have a pamphlet continuing them delivered to very household, just as the government did in 2016 for the Brexit referendum. Some might be:

• What do I do if I am asked to self-isolate but need to collect my medicines or go for a check-up?
• Why can’t I go outside for a walk in the park?
• How can I look after an elderly relative if I am unwell?
• How do I volunteer to help in the community?
• How can older people protect themselves from scams and people pretending to be from a charity?
• How can I claim Universal Credit?
• Am I eligible for statutory sick pay?
• What if I cannot afford my rent?
• What are the best charities to donate to?
• How can my business get a bridging loan?

That sort of thing; the questions that wouldn’t get out of date.

And of course we need a really witty film about washing your hands. I’m sure the celebs would help. Indeed we could do lots of little public information films about coronavirus, herd immunity and self-isolation, using our word-class comedic talents – Paul Whitehouse and Harry Enfield; Daisy and Charlie cooper, Rickey Gervais; Jo Brand; Armando Ianucci. Fees to charity, naturally.

The Second World War was Long long time ago, another planet as far as modern communications are concerned. Yet they did quite well nonetheless, the old Ministry of Information, with their catchily sloganed posters, homely radio broadcasts and morale boosting movies. One now much-used line, “Keep Calm and Carry On” was never actually used, but even now people recognise “Dig for Victory”, “Keep Mum” and “Careless Talk Costs Lives”.

The government budgeted £100 million for a publicity blitz on no deal Brexit last year, leaflets, a massive marketing drive, and propaganda everywhere up to and including motorway signs. Why can’t we do the same now?

Coronavirus is a fast moving story but some things, such as essential hand hygiene, remain timeless. We need to do it now. As Churchill used to order - “Action this Day ”.