Yasmin Alibhai-Brown: Respect cannot be bestowed by imposing it

Only now do we see what has been destroyed in the name of personal freedoms and capitalist voracity

I am writing this from Fornalutx, a beautiful village not far from Palma, Majorca. A group of us is here from the UK for a 60th birthday party organised by the BBC TV journalist Sue Lloyd- Roberts for her husband, the TV producer Nick Guthrie, at a small, delightful hotel they run.

I am writing this from Fornalutx, a beautiful village not far from Palma, Majorca. A group of us is here from the UK for a 60th birthday party organised by the BBC TV journalist Sue Lloyd- Roberts for her husband, the TV producer Nick Guthrie, at a small, delightful hotel they run.

On Saturday night, we danced in the village square for hours, with the locals and their children. Five bars surround the square. There was no trouble at all until later when a drunk started acting loutishly. He was a Londoner, not one of our crowd but a fellow citizen who lived down to our national reputation perfectly, and acted up as if he was on stage playing the role of a boor.

We met several expats at the party. One reason they gave for moving away from Britain was the erosion of kindliness and good manners in the old country. People were rough, rude, violent and incapable of social grace. Respect was gone, for people and property, they said. Much of this has a ring of truth, but it is not a simple truth. And this is what Tony Blair and his latest cohort will find as they ride into troubled localities on their high horses, intoxicated by a sense of mission, cheered on by folk who are desperate to be rescued from the wretchedness of their lives as the basics of civilised behaviour seem to drain away.

These are the citizens who caught the ear of the PM during the election campaign; they gave him a new abstract noun to hang his third term on. Respect. That's what he wants to focus on as he hastily recasts his legacy, now that he is not likely to be seen as the co-saviour of Iraq and the Middle East. Audaciously, New Labour steals the word, the brand, from the arch-enemy, George Galloway, and runs with it. It used to be "values", a word Gordon Brown and David Miliband beat out regularly as if it was the pulse of their party. Dumped that one. Respect, man.

There are the obvious ripostes to make. How can we take instructions on respect from a leader who fails to respect British democratic institutions, principles and freedoms? Who shunned international law and the views of his people on the Iraq war, who launched an assault on the BBC? Who was, and is, still not prepared to come clean on when George Bush told him we were going to war?

OK. We must move forward. That is yesterday's news. Today he listens, he is humble, he wants to improve the lot of the miserable under his care. And a part of me believes he is genuinely moved to make things better, and that in picking Mr Miliband as the minister to move this agenda he has chosen someone with skills and credibility. We could all be engaged with this project if it starts to address the rot which has spread through our country so that travelling on a bus or walking in a park too often feels like being caught in a scene from Mad Max.

But as soon as they have latched on to an issue, New Labour falls headlong into trite, headline-grabbing, dangerously Maoist ideas, thus alienating those who would be onside. The young shall not wear hoodies at the false churches of modern Britain, the consuming malls which only respect money.

The Bluewater shopping centre in Kent and others like it, which have killed the human spirit of this country, now have the power to dictate what people may wear - not for reasons of decency, but arbitrarily. Young men and boys and women and girls, too, in sweatshirts with zips and hoods are deemed a terrible threat to the nation.

My sweet daughter loves them, and has just bought two tiny hoodies for new twin boys in our family. Our delicate Deputy Prime Minister has thrown his bulk behind this ban, saying he is scared of hoodies, finds them intimidating. Are we meant to respect these views of the legendary Mr Fisticuffs? Does he respect our intelligence when he comes out with this rubbish?

Sure, for some criminals, the garment helps them to avoid identification on CCTV, but for others it is only ever a fashion item. By the way, are they going to ban shops selling hoodies in the centres, too? And what next? Women in burkas? People in large sunglasses and caps?

The sociology professor Richard Sennett is spot on in his semi-autobiographical book Respect when he says: "In society, attacking the evils of inequality cannot alone generate mutual respect. In society and particularly in the welfare state, the nub of the problem we face is how the strong can practise respect towards those destined to remain weak." No sign of such humility from our Government so far, just promises of hard, dominatrix policies.

Worse, my dears, worse. That Hazel Blears is back, the Rosa Klebb of yore who stamped ruthlessly on the rights of asylum-seekers. Now she wants to put people issued with Asbos into special uniforms. Why not leg irons? Better still, wash out the old stocks, stick the offenders in, and let the people have their sport. They love humiliation TV; this will be even better. Should really improve respect in our communities.

If we truly want to start to replant respect in drunk and disorderly Britain, big business, big politics, popular culture, the media, schools and families will have to start looking honestly at their own contributions to the crisis.

Britain was the first country in Europe to embrace untrammelled social libertarianism. The old class and gender order needed to be shaken up, but with careless disregard, important restraints and obligations were also swept away. Britain was also the first European country to fall into uncontrolled economic libertarianism where self-gratification was made into the central human imperative, the driver of all success, the meaning of life.

These two cultural and economic leaps distorted natural connections and the duties we have to each other in a functioning society. The welfare state in Britain - which still makes many of us proud to be British - enabled the breaking of bonds to take place without too much obvious damage. It is only now that we look around the landscape and see what has been destroyed in the name of personal freedoms and capitalist voracity.

It is happening even faster in the old Soviet countries, and in some parts of the US, too. But not in countries where intergenerational communication and interaction is strong, where civic life is sustained, where shared lives still keep individuals from the hell of disconnected, unsustainable individualism.

You cannot bestow civic respect from the top, nor can you dictate to families on good behaviour. This Government has been good at enabling projects for better parenting skills and renewed neighbourhoods, though they too often diss local initiatives started up by people who grasp problems better than any civil servant or adviser.

But nothing can halt our decline unless Mr Blair is prepared to be a man and push back the powers of money-makers and merchants who sell bad behaviour to the public by making it sexy and trendy. Will he do this? I don't think so. Far easier to pick on hoodies and look as if you mean business.

y.alibhai-brown@independent.co.uk