The Third Leader: A long, green, happy life

Dear, oh dear. You must have noticed that we're just not doing very well at the moment. World Cup, Wimbledon, cricket, nuclear power on the way, bloke can't even be given a cowboy suit without all hell breaking loose. And now, I see, we've come 108th out of 178 in a rating of countries with the happiest citizens doing the least harm to the planet. Indeed: the US did even worse, also weighed down by environmental impact.

For a long, green, happy life, the Pacific island of Vanuatu is, apparently, the place. And to stress the difference with here, I can tell you that on Vanuatu they pay hardly any tax and have a cargo cult which worships the Duke of Edinburgh.

Well, well. I was, of course, toying with the thought that happiness is not always entirely moral, licit and connected with responsible restraint and carefully separated refuse. But, even on happiness alone, we're still only number 41, according to the New Economics Foundation's calculations.

So I've been casting around for news to cheer you up. "Students worry they will never be able to afford to buy a home"; "Traditional retirement no longer possible"; "Consumers prepare for even more expensive energy"; "Men discardable?"; "Good-looking do better in exams": perhaps not. "Coffee improves memory": better, but it does depend on what you remember. And whatever you do, don't wear a hoodie, as you might get hugged by a Tory.

Hmm. Uplifting quotations, then. Aristotle: "Happiness belongs to the self-sufficient." Jung: "The word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness." Thank you. Cloudy today, by the way, perhaps rain later.