Madonna and her bedside stories for children

As a writer for children, I'm not keen to see some overpaid blonde bint muscling in on my turf

No doubt there will be tantrums in Toyland at the news that Madonna and her husband Guy Ritchie are at work on their first story for children and will soon be looking for a publisher. The sanctimonious wing of the children's book business – a not inconsiderable faction, it has to be said – will inevitably question whether the Material Girl and the director of Snatch have quite the right background and qualifications for the job.

Madonna, they will have to concede, once released an album that was promisingly entitled Bedside Stories; but the cover, revealing her sprawled on a double bed in come-and-get-it mode, suggests that these particular stories are not entirely appropriate for literacy hour. Even in a confused age, with children trying to be adult as eagerly as adults are reverting to childhood, Madonna's themes – song titles such as "Inside of Me", "Why It's So Hard" and "Deeper and Deeper" illustrate the general drift – might raise more questions in young minds than they answer.

Unlike the rest of the book world, which is as slatternly as any other branch of showbiz, those involved with children's books – a mighty army of librarians, teachers, publishers, reviewers, writers, prize administrators, literacy experts and concerned parents – adhere to standards of high seriousness that verge on the censorious. In that tightly-knit community, no one admits to writing for money, and concern for the kids is paramount.

Ranks close when a celebrity decides to make some cash and pick up credibility with a quick-buck children's project. When, some years ago, the Duchess of York wrote her first Budgie the Helicopter story, it was rumoured that its publishers had difficulty finding someone to illustrate it, such was the general disapproval. Maddy and Guy seem likely to face similar criticism. Will she go into primary schools to chat to kids about the importance of books, it will be asked. Will he provide the right role model for reluctant readers among the boys?

Normally, I would be scolding with the best of them – as a writer for children, I'm no keener to see some overpaid blonde bint muscling in on my turf than anyone else – but I find that I'm quite relaxed at this new turn in Madonna's career. After all, she has written a book before. A few years ago, she shared her diesel-dyke, fag-hag fantasies in a bestselling photographic work called Sex; and now, decade or so later, this latest invitation into the Ritchie nursery provides a sort of sequel.

Madonna has other literary credentials. Her fling with Tim Willocks, author of Green River Rising, briefly made novel-writing quite the thing among youngish types who came to believe that all you needed to do to get a shag from a rock star was to be published as a novelist. On another occasion, she turned down an interview with Martin Amis on the grounds (erroneous, surely) that he was as famous as she was. Shortly afterwards, Martin returned to the higher calling of writing books.

Nor are the motives of Mr and Mrs Ritchie on this occasion entirely contemptible. Parenthood is as hot today as lipstick lesbianism was in the 1990s. Literary agents are considering which celebrity mums of the moment – Elizabeth Hurley, Zoe Ball, Posh Beckham – should be approached with the age-old question, used by publishers down the years to snag a high-profile name: "Have you ever thought of writing a children's book?"

Anybody who has sat on the side of a bed to tell a story to a sleepy child believes that she or he can write one of these things. There are few professional writers for adults who, at a slack or restless moment, have not thought that, with short words, a simple plot-line and not very many pages, it must be a breeze to knock off a story for kids. Several indeed, have done so, with varying success, among them Ian Fleming, Kingsley Amis, AN Wilson, Ian McEwan, Garrison Keillor and Toni Morrison.

With the new voguishness of children's fiction, the process has been accelerated. Over the next few months, Carl Hiaasen, Michael Chabon and Clive Barker will be reaching out to new, younger readers. Next year Julie Burchill will join the team, with a lesbian love story for kids.

It may well be that Julie will turn out to be the Enid Blyton of the age and that the characters of her book – Sally Strap-On, Daisy Dildo or whatever she chooses to call them – will appear in many future volumes, but the evidence suggests that is unlikely. It is a curious fact that all the writers I have mentioned wrote just one book for children before returning to the grown-ups. It is almost as if they had found the process tougher and more time-consuming than they imagined it would be.

So I welcome Madonna, Guy, Julie, Carl and the rest into the great community of children's writers and look forward to enjoying their company – however brief it may be.

terblacker@aol.com